By Tucker Iverson ’12, Humor Editor and Varan Satchithanandan ’12, Commentary Editor

On April 26^th, 2011 Humor Editor Tucker Iverson and Commentary Editor Varan Satchithanandan sat down with Sophomore Stud Matthew Tobin to discuss his interesting, if not a little bit stressful life.  Matt, as you may have heard, is a veritable renaissance man with many experiences under his belt of things as far ranging as Elizabethan Architecture and peach tinning to the noble, such as his goal to save 1300 damsels in distress by the end of the calendar year and his love of dolphins.

This is the exclusive interview.  You heard it here first.

Minuteman: Are you aware that you are being recorded for the newspaper?

Matt Tobin: Yes

Minuteman:  Aight cool.

One in Five Hundred: Matthew Tobin Edition

Minuteman:  I understand you have a condition called synesthesia where you associate specific letters and sounds with colors. Do you think this helps you in life?

Matt Tobin: …I don’t have synesthesia

Awkward Pause.

MM: Oh…Sorry.  Moving right along.  How did you acquire a taste for opera?

MT: I don’t have a taste for opera…

MM: What is appealing to you about opera?

MT: Okay, are you sure you’re not like confusing me with Ellen Fishbein or something?

MM:  Hmm…What are you current artistic endeavors outside of school, where do you practice opera and what are your plans for the future?

Awkward Giggle followed by long pause in which Matthew did not breathe because he was so confused.

MT: How long does this go on?

MM: Just answer our questions please…According to our sources you are also an avid gourmand.  As a self described “foodie” what would you say your favorite dish is?

MT: I don’t even know what a “gore mahhhnndddd” is

MM: What advice would you give to someone who is considering starting to play drums?

MT:  *Coughs*…Matthew is now choking on his literal confusion. I don’t know…practice?

MM: A brief aside while Varan and Tucker discuss this new development: I think were gonna’ have to wing it now.

MM: Boxers or briefs?

MT: Isn’t that like personal?

MM: Do you have a date to prom?

MT: I’m not going to prom; I’m in tenth grade.

MM: What do you think of Sweden’s new economic policy?

MT: I’ve never heard of it

MM: Are you single?

MT: You don’t need to know.

MM: Do you like Chinese food?

MT: NO.  This interview is over.

Join us next week when we ask Dr. Ungaro what it was like growing up in Chinatown.