Category: Top 10
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Top 10 Signs You’re Stuck in Holiday Limbo
By Erin Mooney ’16, Section Editor 1. You start seeing more tweets about distance learning and Don Austin canceling school. 2. You see people with pumpkins while you already have your Christmas tree (or vice versa.) 3. You hit up the mall for some Columbus Day Sales but you’re overwhelmed by the crowds of children in…
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Top Ten Reasons Why It’s Hard to Write an Article for the Humor Section
By Dylan Flanagan ’16 and Noah Nazmiyal ’16, Staff Writers Lila Rimalovski and Erin Mooney are the editors… It’s tough to write for an audience of five. The humor section group chat has turned into this kid hitting on sophomore girls. Noah Nazmiyal came up with none of these ideas. If you don’t think this is…
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Top Ten Ways to Leave Campus Without Being Noticed
By Gregory “Consuela” Ruda ’13, and Ramus “Tucker” Iverson ’12 This is called a stop sign 1) Dig a tunnel using cafeteria spoons under the highway 2) Hide inside the Rat from the Union Strike 3) Get Mr. Bitler to build you a helicopter. 4) Invisibility cloak. 5) Get your mom to say you have…
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Top Ten Rejected Global Speakers
By Greg Ruda ’13, and Tucker Iverson ’12, Humor Editors We talked to the Global Speaker Series Committee and we compiled a list of all the Global Speakers that have applied for the job, and were subsequently rejected…Here you go. 1) Route Ten Wendys Franchise Owner 2) Tiger Woods 3) Chef Boyardee (apparently he isn’t…
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Top Ten Awkward Hallway Moments
Top Ten Awkward Hallway Moments By Greg Ruda ’13, Humor Editor 1. You see your teacher from far away, and say, “Hi” to them. This leaves an akward moment of walking by eachother after you’ve said “Hi.” 2. Not saying “Hi” soon enough, and causing them to say “Hello.” This lowers their opinion of you.…
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The 10 Best Things About Newark Academy
By Molly Alter ’12 and Gracie McNeely ’12, Staff Writers 10) When you say goodbye to a teacher and then pull up next to them, waiting for the traffic light. 9) When the fire alarm goes off and the emergency exit is the construction site. 8 ) When you walk into the ILC and notice…
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Top Ten Best Excuses For Being Late
By Andrew Brummer ’12, Staff Writer & Tucker Iverson ’12, Humor Editor 10) Abducted by aliens. 9) Was inspired by Ferris Bueller…but then changed my mind. 8 ) Thought it was a snow day until I looked out the window. 7) Drove to the city of Newark. 6) Flash mob practice. 5) Got in a…
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Top 10 Prom Asking Ideas
By Varan Satchi ’12, Commentary Editor and Tucker Iverson ’12, Humor Editor 10) Tattoo the word “PROM?” to your chest (make sure to avoid specific names in case of rejection) 9) Ask someone you’ve never met before with a morning meeting announcement 8 ) Shave it into Mr. Jacoby’s “beard” 7) Make Mr. Scott…
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Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Play OfficeWorld
By Andrew Morrison ’11, Humor Editor (level 28), with contributions from Adam Hyatt ’11, (level 26). 1) You get the wonderful feeling of having a job without ever getting paid. 2) Friend us, and we will clean your office for brownies and team points. 3) It will keep you away from stalking people. 4) SEND…
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Top Ten Ways to React to a Present You Don’t Like
By Jack Breene ’11 and David Webster ’11, Staff Writers and Jack Lawler ’11, Humor Editor 10. Commit seppuku. 9. Vomit on hair of loved ones. 8. Have a youtube worth freak out moment. 7. Drown your sorrows in eggnog, latkes or Kwanza comfort food, depending on your religious preference. 6. Threaten to join Middle…