Category: Humor
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What a Nightmare…
By Chloe Zhou ’28, Humor Editor The blaring RING RING of my alarm awoke me at 7 a.m. sharp on a Monday morning, and I immediately knew something was off. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and for some reason, I didn’t dread going to school. That should have been my first warning…
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Getting Ready for College: The Uncommon App
By Olivia Dai ’26, Editor-in-Chief Summer has ended, and for seniors, that can only mean one thing: COLLEGE APPLICATIONS. After suffering years of sleepless nights, caffeinated mornings, and crying in the bathroom, the time has arrived for you to escape from high school. For those looking to stand out in their applications, the Uncommon App…
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Academic Tinder
By Chloe Zhou ’28, Humor Editor News Announcer on TV:I am standing on the steps of Newark Academy, watching as students pile in, eager for their first day. School is finally back in session, and the “school subjects” are ecstatic—finally, they’re being learned again. But what were these “school subjects” doing all summer while children…
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A True New Jersey Snow Day
By Caspar von Hollen ’26, Humor Editor After a great night of snow, the trails looked similar to this. (Photo courtesy of PeakRankings) Like many other NA students on that fateful morning, I awoke with excitement. I rolled out of bed and walked, fingers crossed, over to my desk where my phone was charging. YES!…
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When the Teacher’s Absent…
By Chloe Zhou ’28, Humor Writer A classroom in disarray… when the teacher is away… (Photo courtesy of FreePik) It’s early in the morning and students all around me are stumbling into their classrooms. As I enter my classroom, I look up, ready to mumble good morning to my teacher, when I freeze, a familiar…
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The Final Stretch: Spring Break Has Come and Gone
By Celina Chen ’28, Humor Writer Half-dead zombies stumble through the halls of Newark Academy, feet dragging along the tiles, shoulders stooped over from the weight of their backpacks. From a distance, the students looked like a battered horde of zombies, but with one crucial difference: they were craving more time off, not human brains.…
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Your Average Monday Morning at NA
By Caspar von Hollen ‘26, Humor Editor The bell ringing to signal the beginning of the day felt jarring like an old school bell like above might. (Photo courtesy of Creative Fabrica) It’s Monday morning. I’m walking into school, delirious from the five hours of sleep I awoke from not one hour ago. As I…
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Physical Books vs E-books: The Ultimate Face Off
By Chloe Zhou ’28, Humor Writer As the world becomes more and more digital and people are looking forward to the day ChatGPT takes over, one final debate remains: Are e-books or physical books superior? Fifty years from now, people won’t even know what having full control over themselves is. Their brains will all have…
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This Year’s Best Halloween Costumes Unveiled…
By Celina Chen ‘28, Humor Writer Movie villains filled the Newark Academy hallways. Monsters sat at desks, dutifully taking notes of their lectures. No, this was not some parallel universe where normalcy had been replaced by supernatural beings—it was just Halloween, the one magical night where the only limit was your imagination… and, of course,…
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Brotherly Banter: The True Story of a Race
By Caspar von Hollen ‘26, Humor Editor Witnesses say the race was this close for all eight laps. (Photo courtesy of The New York Times) When I found out my brother Konrad would be joining me at NA, I was elated. We would finally be reunited after spending middle school together. As September approached, though,…