By Tucker Iverson ‘12, Ben Martin-Katz ’12, and Alex Liao ‘13, Craftsmen of Humor.

Warning: Possible side effects may include nausea, abdominal strains and head explosions due to laughter.

This article was brought to you by the letter ‘J’… for joke.

This is the funniest article you will ever read.  In your entire life.  You probably already figured that out from the title.  And the authors.  But we figured that we should probably reinforce that fact which you will soon know…that this article is super funny.  Like extremely funny.  Like uproariously-side-splitting-enough-to-make-your-head-fall-off-from-laughter funny.  Careful, your head may indeed fall off.  In fact, we would argue that the reason you were put on this earth was to read this article.  Ask Socrates, because he would agree with us.

Just as 1+1 always equals 2 or bread nearly always tastes good with butter, it is a fact that this article is riotous as Bill Cosby.  No in fact, if Bill Cosby and Jerry Seinfeld had a baby and their baby had a baby with George Carlin it would be this article.  That’s how funny it is.  (Ignore the logic and the semantics of reproduction in processing that last sentence.)

After reading, you will be tickled by its mirthful nature; the jokes will snap, crackle, and pop off the page, leaving you doubled over for weeks as if you had a backache, or were attempting to pick something heavy up off the ground.  We are not liable for any injuries caused from this article…but we did cause them.

Will it make you howl with laughter? Will it be the best thing you will ever read? Will we ask rhetorical questions?  Yes. Yes. Yes we will.

Through osmosis, the immense laughter that is generated from this article will spread around the world.  Spreading like wildfire from human to animal to machine to mineral.  They say laughter is the best medicine.  Well this article will cure world hunger, cure the smallpox virus, and cure any allergies that you may have contracted over the course of the last few days.

What’s that you say?  The smallpox disease was eradicated already?  You’re welcome.

Now we know that your expectations are high.  This is for a good reason because you are about to be amazed by the immense joke to word ratio in our article.  It is at a stunning thirteen to one (thirteen jokes per word). If this is too many jokes for you, we apologize, but it is just the way this article was written.

By the way, we rescind our apology.  You don’t mind.

Right now, you may be wondering why you spent the time logging into the newspaper website to read this long rambling article.  Oh yeah, it’s funny.

Now this point in the article is where the real meat located.  The joke ratio is amped up to fifteen JPW’s and the laughter coming out of your mouth nearly breaks the sound barrier.  Prepare to laugh.  And laugh.  And laugh.

How are a chicken and a grape alike?

They are both purple… except for the chicken.

You’re welcome.  If you were not pleased by that joke, there’s no feedback form.  Too bad.

In summation, this article was hilarious.  Good night and good luck.