By Joe DeNoon ’13, Editor-in-Humor 

-Oh man, oh man. How could I have done this-

-Hey, how you doing?

-Woah! Who! What!

-Where?

-What?

-Sorry, I was just continuing… nevermind… You seem pretty down on yourself right now.

-Who are you?

-I’m your conscience.

-What? I thought my conscience was the right and wrong thing, where-

-I’m your inner voice.

-But I’m not talking to myself, you-

-I’m a hallucination. You only slept for an hour last night. Things like this tend to happen on an hour of sleep.

-…

-Okay, back to the matter at hand. You seem depressed.

-Yeah, I have an exam that I didn’t study for. I’m so dead. I’m going to be working at McDonald’s for the rest of my life. I just can’t seem to focus on anything. And I-

-That’s it, let it out. I’m a licensed therapist, you can trust me.

-*sniffle*

-Why didn’t you study?

-I hate studying. It’s no fun.

-Well, you just have to make it fun for yourself.

-God, you sound just like my father.

-I am your father.

-What!?

-Nah, just kidding, I’m still just a hallucination.

-Um… 

-What did you do instead of studying?

-I was hanging out with a girl.

-Girl?

-Girl.

-Girl??

-Video games…

-That’s what I thought.

-Are you gonna help me or not?

-Well, I am just a hallucination. But I may be able to get you out of the exam.

-How are you going to do that?

-Well, those concerned looks your teachers are giving you for talking to a bench suggest you may have a visit to a therapist soon.

-Well, can’t you be my therapist?

-I’m no therapist.

-But you just said-

-Look! Here comes the comfy jacket!

-That’s a straight jacket.

-I know, I just thought you didn’t.

-I watch a lot of Law and Order.

-Instead of studying?

-…yes.

–I see.  You certainly aren’t taking the exam now.

-I didn’t want to get out of it, I wanted you to help me cheat on it.

-WOAH! WOAH! Who said anything about cheating! You were going to cheat! Wow! Have fun in the asylum!

-NO! Get back here! …. OW!

-…Did you really just punch the wall?

-You were leaving, I had to do something! I forgot you weren’t real.

-Well, now you really can’t take the exam. Unless you are one of those ambidextrous weirdos.

-Hey! I am one of those! … OW!

-…Wow… ok, I’m out. Good luck to ya.