By Noah Sellinger ’14, Staff Writer

1. Write this article.
2. Read this article.
3. Create a fictional alias.
4. Subsequently make a fake eHarmony account using the characteristics of said alias.
5. Create inside jokes about yourself.
6. Write NA Compliments about yourself using these inside jokes.
7. DVR 60 Minutes. Watch a commercial-free 42 Minutes. Realize that CBS is deceiving you.
8. Try to find a page on Facebook with zero likes. Fail.
9. Watch all 7,240 episodes of the beautifully made soap opera The Edge of the Night.
10. Find evidence proving that Phil Kaye and Mr. Rezvani are siblings. Succeed.