By Aditya “El Tigre” Srivatsan ’15, Humor Columnist

5 Tips to Improve Your Game

We have all struggled, and we have all had our failures. That’s why people ask me to do this; they feel that as an experienced member of the game, I have good techniques to share with you. If it was unclear, I am talking about dating. Yes I know, we all think that we are experts at this subject while we really just stay in our rooms on Friday nights glaring at our computers for hours. Or is that just me? Regardless, we all need improvement so I hope these tips will help.

(1)KIS:

No I’m not saying you should go for the kiss… yet. KIS means Keep It Simple. Make sure you don’t overthink it. As I said in the intro, I have learned all of these tips from experience. There was this one time when I bragged to a girl about my mathematical abilities. I starting explaining how to do the integral of e^x, while she was thinking about her weekend plans. If you are going to brag about Math, which I do not recommend, try the line, “Me plus you equals more than 2.”

(2) Be Direct.

Have a plan when starting a conversation. Don’t just “act natural” and hope things will go in your favor. Take the control in your hands. Start out your conversation with, “Hey do you want to go out?” It’s strong and to the point. If she says yes, then good for you! However, if she says no just back out of the situation by adding the word “outside.” If it is a sunny day, then that is great, but I usually try this on rainy days.

(3) Confuse Them.

I find that confusion helps people understand you. That may sound confusing, but that’s that point. If you talk in conundrums and paradoxes then it adds a layer of mystery to your personality. Girls love mystery — so don’t keep them waiting; reveal your mystery before someone spoils it.

(4) Bounce Back

We all get rejected, and we all eventually recover. As I said, treat it as a game. My record is 1-7-62^98, and if you’re wondering a tie is being friend-zoned. However I am successful at bouncing back. When I was 13, I had my first love…. and my 4.51217122 x 10^175^th rejection. Don’t let rejection scare you.

(5) Pick Up Lines: They still work

Here are a couple lines to try out:

“If I were a stop light, I’d turn red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.”

“Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?”

“You’re so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.”

Overall, I hope these tips helped improve your game. Keep your winning percentage high and stay out of trouble. If you have any questions at all, please feel free to seek me out in the halls (but not when my sister is around).