By Max “Saucy” Whitmore ’14, Humor Editor

After a stellar season consisting of a plethora of awards, praise, and phone numbers (thank you Aditya aka “O Dog”), the members of the Newark Academy Men’s Cross Country team hung up their short shorts and “turnt down” in an effort to acclimate back into The Academy’s community, where they are generally outcasts. What will runners do if they are not able to show off their freshly shaven thighs? What will the town of Livingston do now that there are not twenty sweaty, shirtless boys singing Spice Girls songs down Eisenhower Parkway? Clearly the future for the members of the team and The Academy is not bright.

The biggest problem for the runners is adjusting to the sudden clothing change. One day booty shorts, the next shorts below the knee. Sheer madness! The expression “sky’s out, thigh’s out,” once a life motto, will become just a distant memory to reminisce on.

What will senior Siddarth Kannan do if he cannot show off his glistening and suave freshly shaven legs? Sources say Kannan will pick up swimming for the sole purpose of being able to wear nothing other than a Speedo to practice. I can only warn the Newark Academy community as Kannan will most likely sport this attire on a casual day. As for sophomore Johnny Capobianco, another member of the Cross Country team and Shaved Legs Club, the season’s end will result in a new beginning working as a Victoria’s Secret Angel. His 6-foot stature and 115 pound body weight made him the perfect candidate for this gig.

While an end to the season of antics and nudity is not ideal for the runners, it is what it is. Or, as Kurt Vonnegut would say, “so it goes.” Please, if you see a runner in the hall, give them a hug as they will probably be going through a severe case of PCCCD (Post-Cross Country Cult Disorder).