By Lila Rimalovski ’15 and Aditya Srivatsan ’15, Humor Staff Writers

The following is an accurate representation of events in Mr. Austin’s house the night before a snow day. For brevity’s sake, “Don” is Mr. Austin, “Von” is Mr. Rollenhagen, and “Peg” is Mrs. Galvin.

The evening begins with an authentic French meal (boeuf bourguignon) cooked by Charlie and George Austin. Following dinner, Mr. Austin kicks back by a warm fire, The Fault in Our Stars in hand, with a warm glass of milk and a handful of wasabi peas. As he flips to page 68, the corner of his eye catches a slight sparkle outside the window. “Is it a bird?” he thinks to himself. “a plane… oh no…please don’t tell me it’s…snow.” Mr. Austin’s 1990 Motorola Razr begins to vibrate violently.

Text from Von: Did u just c that??
Don: Kinda, I can’t seem to find my fourth back-up pair of glasses
Von: What do u think we should do?
Don: Idk, but we can’t have another snow day
Von: I feel ya. can’t take more of those bonus periods
Don: Alright, alright. I’ll call Pegeen and let you know what she says.
Von: Thx. also did u c the Fault in Our Stars trailer? i almost cried
Don: No I don’t want it to spoil anything. I haven’t finished the book
Von: Ooooo okay lemme know when you do
Don: Will do. Ttyl
*Mr. Austin calls Mrs. Galvin. He puts on his glasses.*
Don: Pegeen?
Peg: Hey…how was the boeuf bourguignon? or whatever you call it
Don: What?
Peg: I saw it on Charlie’s Instagram. Never mind. What’s up?
Don: The reports don’t look good. My local meteorologist says tomorrow there’s a 93% chance of snow tomorrow
Peg: Specific. Well that forecast seems to be accurate. Soooo.. yeah, cancel school.
Don: You really think so?
Peg: I was planning on watching a marathon of The Office so it works for me.
Don: Um, okay? I’ll keep you posted.
Peg: Thanks. Also, did you see The Fault in Our Stars trailer? I cried.
Don: No, I haven’t finished the book yet.
Peg: Oh please, who still reads these days … Let me know when you finish.
Don: Will do. I’ll ttyl later.
*Mr. Austin takes off his glasses to text Mr. Rollenhagen. After realizing that he can’t see, Mr. Austin puts his glasses back on.*
Don: No school, Pegeen wants to watch Community.
Von: Ain’t bout that school life anyway.
Don: Uhhh okay then. Enjoy the day off.
Von: Pce
*Charlie enters the room and eats a wasabi pea.*
Charlie: Dad you gotta see this.
*Mr. Austin puts on his glasses and glances at Charlie’s computer screen.*

Don: Charlie what is the meaning of this!
Charlie: C’mon dad, no school tomorrow right, now you can finally finish reading your book.
George: yeah, Hazel lives.
Don: Spoiler!
George: The faults in your star.