By Sydney Mann ’14, Humor Staff Writer

Recently being voted “Biggest Teacher’s Pet,” I have been designated to everything and anything pertaining to the wonderful Newark Academy faculty and staff. So, in appreciation of all the rockin’ teachers out there, I have compiled all of the “What if’s” that I wanted to put into the yearbook, yet sadly were rejected by The Polymnian’s dictatorial Editor-in-Chief. Since I am so dedicated to you, my loyal readers, it is my pleasure to publish this list on the Humor Section of The Minuteman.

What if Ms. Gordon had never met #Profe?
What if #Profe had never discovered the hashtag?
What if Dr. D weren’t an undercover Philosopher King?
What if Dr. Ungaro didn’t “fib”?
What if Mr. Beckman weren’t a grammartatstic sass-master?
What if Mr. Scott weren’t too cool for school?
What if Mr. Bitler weren’t a senior bro?
What if Mr. Scerra weren’t a secret A capella nerd?
What if Ms. Brodie didn’t dream?
What if Ms. Powell weren’t a fashionista?
What if Mr. Caldwell weren’t Canadian?

If you, my devoted readers, feel as though this superb list of “What if’s” should make it into this year’s edition of The Polymnian and are willing to participate in backing me up, please meet me in one of the 40s tomorrow after school.