By Victoria Molinari ’17 and Olivia Cubbage ’17, Humor Staff Writers

The snow is coming! The snow is coming! In the past few weeks, Mr. Austin has generously provided the Newark Academy students with an abundance of snow days. When walking from class to class, a question frequently heard in the hallways is, “What did you do on the snow day?” Instead of replying with the generic “not much,” you should have a plethora of exciting adventures to tell your friends about! So, for the next snow day make sure you follow some of these ideas from our “Snow Day Itinerary” instead of sitting on the couch watching reruns of How I Met Your Mother all day.

Timeline for a Snow Day

11:00 am – Wake up in the morning, feeling like P Diddy.

11:01 am – Become incredibly nervous and sweaty after realizing you missed all of your online classes.

11:02 am – Wave your hands in the air because you realized you just don’t care.

11:11 am – Make a wish for another snow day while texting Make-A-Wish club Presidents.

12:00 pm – Email all of your teachers and explain that your network was “down” because of the “vicious blizzard” that affected your town the most, which is why you couldn’t do the online assignments on time. (Note: The Humor Section does not condone violations of the Honor Code.)

12:15 pm – Ravenously eat everything.*

1:00 pm – Justify not doing homework by telling yourself you have to hone your parkour skills for at least an hour.

2:00 pm – Make standard desserts and post pictures of the treats on Instagram with heavy filters to make the sweets look more appealing. Use the following hashtags: #Artsy #SnowDay #PraiseDon #Bored #Bieber #OneDirection #British #Omg #Lunch #Chipotle #IWish #GuacHeaven #Yum #Instagood

3:00 pm – While watching the Olympics, realize that you are just as good, if not better, than all of the athletes competing and run to Sochi to compete.

3:30 pm – Compete in every event in the 2014 Winter Olympics, under the country name “Djibouti.”

4:00 pm – Finish last in every event, but still climb to the top of the awards podium for pictures. Post said pictures to Instagram with the following hashtags: #ArtsyAgain #Olympics #Winter #NotSummer #Cold #Russia #Putin #GoldOnGoldOnGold

4:30 pm – Complete all the assignments you forgot about while simultaneously jet packing back home.

5:00 pm – Attend your weekly didgeridoo lesson.

5:45 pm – Construct a glow-in-the-dark igloo and have a legendary snow ball fight against yourself.**

6:00 pm – Watch “Frozen” online for the seventh time.

7:00 pm – Create and star in a one-man production of Shakespeare’s “Macbeth.” Perform your masterpiece for your pets.

8:15 pm – Drink at minimum 2 gallons of Dunkin’ Donuts hot chocolate.

9:07 pm – Watch “The Office” marathon style until you fall asleep, while cuddling the gold medals that you made out of tinfoil.

* We really do mean everything.
** We have no clue as to how this would work.