By a junior who has never been a senior (Lila Rimalovski ’15, Humor Editor)

As we tearfully say goodbye to the senior class, the previous Humor Editors have asked me to summarize their legacy at #theacademy. Thus, as un-sarcastically as possible, I am honored to commemorate the Class of 2014 and highlight the amazing work they have done for the school community.

Below you will find brief descriptions of the types of students that distinguished the Class of 2014. I hope you keep these in your hearts forever.

1. The Teacher-who-wishes-he/she-was-still-a-senior-so-he/she-works-at-the-school-in-order-to-live-vicariously-through-his/her-students

Mr. Bitler

2. The Kid Who Texts Said Teacher

We all know who we are talking about here. These kids, most commonly boys, think it’s cool to be in with the “older kids crowd” and hip to use words like fresh, swag, and nah. Also, Mr. Bitler’s contact in their phone is labeled as “The Man.”

3. The Flappy Bird/2048 Fanatic

Flappy Bird (and 2048), as we all know, create an arduous and disappointing journey with no actual end. Flappy Bird, in this situation, is rather a metaphor. There are certain aspects of Newark Academy that mirror this path…ex. Minuteman Society, the IB Program, the cross-country track in the woods, the scary maintenance dog, actual use of the books in the library, etc. The students who fit into this category are strong believers in these facets of high school life, yet remain unaware that there is no concrete conclusion.

4. The Girl’s Lacrosse Team

NAGLAX or a bunch of hot girls playing sports together?

5. The Stereotypes

For more information, attend any Jewish Club, Young Republicans, or Frisbee Club meeting.

6. The Ones Who Should Really Be Juniors

Also referred to as “the ones that got away,” this jolly group of kids are either a) young enough to be juniors while also old enough to be seniors b) weirdly smart c) the children of very pushy parents or d) unable to properly place themselves in a grade level. While these kids are often made fun of because they got their license late, still go to a pediatrician, or aren’t old enough to order Floam off of TV, I promise they are a rad bunch.

7. The Jock

To rid the elephant in the room, we all know whom we are talking about. He’s a great guy, he’s got huge quads, looks great in slim fit white tanks…and I hear he’s going to Yale for squash or something like that. Cory Tell, I believe is his name. Stay #swol

8. The Senior Who Does His/Her Homework

This is about as rare as going into the library without getting yelled at. Homework, from a senior’s perspective, is comparable to consuming brown rice: it’s not that bad, but you would never choose it in the first place. That said, a senior who voluntarily does his or her homework is basically on the track to becoming America’s next president.

9. The Jazz Kids

Also known as “The Hughes Minions,” this jolly clan traveled from Indonesia to Ireland sharing their love for blowing air through metal objects. Their band, Gecko, has won awards throughout the world.

Class of 2014, we will miss you. But don’t worry, the Class of 2015 is ready to rule #theacademy