by Lila Rimalovski ’15, and Erin Mooney ’16, Humor Editors

Welcome to the sports section!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahh just kidding it’s the humor section #wegotyou #jokenumberone

We now think it’s appropriate to introduce the mighty crew who gratefully, loyally, and respectfully (joke number two) produces the articles that get increasingly strange and less funny over time like sentences which run on and are also called run-on sentences which is like the one that is running on right now like this one which is also running on.

**Clearing our throats and wiping sweat from our brows**

Los editors:

Lilaandstich was the 16th president of the United States, serving from March 1861 until her assassination in April 1865. Lila led the United States through its Civil War—its bloodiest war and its greatest moral, constitutional and political crisis. In doing so, she preserved the Union, abolished slavery, strengthened the federal government, and modernized the economy. She often confuses herself with some of history’s greatest figures.

Diddy Dirty Mooney is the queen bee, a star. The other writers are just her little workers. Erin Mooney…how do I even begin to explain Erin Mooney? Erin Mooney is ***flawless (Featuring Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie AND Nicki Minaj.) She has 2 iPhone 7s, AND Google Contacts. I hear she has insurance for her phone. (She doesn’t.) I hear she does car commercials… in Russia. Her favorite movie is Bring It On: All or Nothing not Bring It On: Fight to the Finish. I heard she met Alec Baldwin on a plane and he told her “please get out of my way.” One time, she punched herself in the face by accident. It was awesome.

Remains of the cohort, regretfully, in order of worst to best sense of humor:

1. LiveSingles

Zach “LiveSingles” Lathrop plays lacrosse, probably. He has been known to be funny 46% of the time he speaks. 3% of these times, his jokes aren’t that offensive. Look forward to lots of censored versions of Zach’s articles!

1. Noah 2 (tied for first place)

Noah “Not Naz” Sellinger is currently in his second year writing for the humor section. When he’s not tearing it up on the court (tennis court), Noah can be found asking Erin, “How are you, editor?” Right now you can probably find him reading this article and telling her, “This isn’t funny.” You also might find him not submitting an article this set because…well, I don’t know why. He didn’t really have an excuse. Look forward to maybe an article from Noah!

2. Naz

Noah “Naz” Nazmiyal, contrary to popular belief, is not related to this year’s convocation speaker, who also happens to be a Persian Jew. Noah’s excited to be starting his first year on the humor section. Keep reading the humor section this year because as Noah would say, “You love the humor section.” #squademala

3. Rollo

Sam “Rollo (like the candy)” Rollenhagen is actually just a nice kid in an unfortunate bunch of inappropriate humor writers.

4. Torlivia: See “Samneric” from Lord of the Flies for more information.

5. Habuna Matata

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6. Adinasine Triphosphate

We asked Adina how she best identifies herself and she sent us this link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18-xvIjH8T4.

Understandable.