The Minuteman: The Official Newspaper of Newark Academy since 1940

The Minuteman

The Official Newark Academy Newspaper

Reflection on The #Voting Process

—

by

lrimalovski15
in

By Lila Rimalovski ’15, Humor Editor

http://ajustatl.org/event-voting-day/
http://ajustatl.org/event-voting-day/

Given the extreme excitement and enthusiasm that emerged at The Academy regarding #Voting Day in November, I figured it would be fitting to gain some insight on the process from a few distinguished Newark Academy #voters. This month, many reflected on the event and happily shared insight with me. While their names will not be mentioned for disclosure purposes, note that no animals were harmed for the duration of this experiment.

How to #Vote: Tips from Newark Academy’s Politically Active

  1. Go to 7/11 and buy a blue Slushee.
  2. Take the Slushee home and drink the Slushee.
  3. OPTIONAL: Take a nap with the Slushee.
  4. Finish the Slushee and recycle it so you are now ready to #vote.
  5. Do some research on how to register to #vote.
  6. Maybe check your mail to see if you got anything about #voting.
  7. If not, go through your neighbor’s mail to see if they got anything about #voting.
  8. Clarification: check the real mail, like the USPS mail.
  9. If you can’t find anything, go to 7/11 and buy another Slushee.
  10. Repeat Steps 1-4.
  11. OPTIONAL: continue with the quest for #voter registration.
  12. Find yourself on a #voter website where you can register.
  13. Register.
  14. Get confused, then go to the Minuteman online publication and read the article on How to #Vote.
  15. Realize you are reading that article right now, and then think you are in Inception.
  16. You’re not.
  17. Use Apple Maps to get directions to the #voting booth.
  18. Probably get lost, so switch to Google Maps and arrive successfully.
  19. Check in at the #voting booth.
  20. Intimidate fellow voters by wearing a mask of your favorite politician.
  21. Roar.
  22. Enter the booth and pick the candidate that a) you can imagine looking best dressed-up as Barney, b) has the name that sounds like the best Slushee flavor, c) you could picture winning a bull fight against the opposing candidate.
  23. Repeat Steps 1-4.
  24. Realize you’re not 18.
  25. Wait however many years until you are 18.
  26. Repeat Steps 1-23.
  27. Mazel Tov! You have now #voted.

Comments

Leave a Reply