By Jake McEvoy ’18 Staff Psychic Detective (like that show Psych, that’s a good show)  

A new addition to the math department, Mr. Lockhart-Gilroy is adored by his students and the faculty around him. Whether it’s teaching trigonometric ratios, or reminding us that the human brain will soon be replicated and we will all be killed by machines in the near future, he is a warm new ray of sunshine on the Newark Academy scene. So, I thought it would be nice to enter his brain for a day, and go through Mr. Lockhart-Gilroy’s day.

            Day 16723, and I am still a mortal man. It is 4:30am, I pick up the encyclopedia and give it a read through, just to relearn everything in the universe. I’ll probably do that again later tonight. After a quick once over of the entire internet and world history known to man, I put on my black shirt and head to school at 6:00am.

            As I look out the window of the bus, I take notice of the cars. Driverless cars will take over cars by the year 2035, and driverless ubers will cost a fraction of what the cost of driving is now. How will this pan out for the global economy? The interior of the car will entirely change, since the traditional automobile is centered around the driver’s seat, but now the opportunities are endless. Flawlessly, I quickly invent the first fully functional and safe self-driving car that can communicate with every other car on the road, no matter the make. I walk in to school and stuff the inventions away into my bag, maybe I’ll submit it per the recent requests of Google and Apple. Eh, maybe not. I throw the blueprint away.

            Eventually my favorite class rolls around, Precalc Slot D! Great group of kids. They have much to learn, however. We discuss how Wolfram Alpha’s intelligence made him capable of siphoning power from the grid and becoming an artificial hive mind. The kids laugh. They are weak. They will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes.

            Well, looks like 2:30 has reared its head and it’s time to head on home! I was able to save time by creating three review sheets for three different classes at the same time on three different computers while also discussing Jeopardy with Dr. Thayer. I admire him, he could probably teach me a few things! Nah, who am I kidding? After meeting with a few kids to review and making fun of some freshmen, I head home.

            I get home and get into relaxation mode! On come the pajamas and a little bit of easy reading – Isaac Newton’s The Principia. A classic favorite of mine. Today has been a good day, and I can’t wait for another great day tomorrow.

Well there you have it folks, a day in the life of Mr. Lockhart-Gilroy. I don’t think I’d be the first to say that we can learn a lot from this man, and I have the utmost respect for him, even if he does force me to contemplate my own futile existence. Tune in next time for a day in the life with our favorite tech guy, Mr. Kapferer!