By Ben Leit ’18 Staff CVS ExtraCare Member

Earlier this month, I was approached by my favorite Newark Academy redhead, Tyler Mudge, and he me asked to write something for the school newspaper. At first, I was confused. Me? Little old Ben Leit? The star of the musical? The guy who’s playing Gabey in the musical? The star of the 2017 winter musical, “On The Town,” Ben Leit, who can sing every high note? How could this be? Why do they want me to write for the newspaper? Does anybody even read it? Isn’t it a dying medium? What is the role of prayer in modern society? Wouldn’t people rather read news written by professionals? What was he talking about?

Anyway, I’m thrilled to be writing for the newspaper!

For my first column, I wanted to write a cheeky little Newark Academy-related quiz. Enjoy! 

Which Newark Academy Math Teacher Are You?

A Fun Little Quiz by Ben ‘Please Stop Staring at me you Freak!’ Leit

1. First and foremost, which Newark Academy math teacher do you think you are?

a.) Dr. Thayer

b.) Mr. Lockhart-Gilroy

c.) Ms. Gordon

d.) Mrs. Pursell

e.) Mr. Kanarek

2. Are you vegan (If you’re vegan, you’re going to end up being Ms. Gordon)?

a.) No

b.) I’m vegetarian, but I totally wanna be vegan

c.) I am vegan/Ms. Gordon/one of Ms. Gordon’s set-playing family members

d.) My parents force feed me raw chicken cutlets every day

e.) I don’t like the way meat tastes, I just like knowing that something died

3. What is your spirit animal?

a.) A puppy

b.) A seagull covered in oil

c.) A black-footed ferret

d.) A kitten

e.) The chicken in those crispy chicken sandwiches that they serve for lunch

4. What is your fashion sense?

a.) Turtlenecks

b.) All black, all the time, every day of my entire life, no matter what, a la Mr. Lockhart-Gilroy

c.) Lots of zippers

d.) Used hospital scrubs

e.) Corduroy pants with egg yolk on it

5. What is your favorite quote from Willard Huyck’s 1986 documentary Howard the Duck?

a.) “Nobody laughs at a master of Quack Fu!”

b.) “Not bad for a duck – from outer space!”

c.) “OH GOOD GOD THEY ARE HERE THEY ARE HERE UNNGHHHH BOARD THE WINDOWS! LOCK THE DOORS!”

d.) “Where are my pants?”

e.) “They’re seasoning me!”

6. What is your favorite color?

a.) Blue

b.) Red

c.) Scar tissue pink

d.) Carcass

e.) Purple

7. And lastly, most importantly, what is your favorite kind of natural disaster

a.) A hurricane

b.) A devastating earthquake

c.) A wildfire that you could have prevented, you selfish jerk

d.) A celebrity dying

e.) The 1498 Enshunada Sea Tsunami

KEY

           Mostly ‘A’s: Dr. Thayer

           Mostly ‘B’s: Mr. Lockhart-Gilroy

           Mostly ‘C’s: Ms. Gordon

           Mostly ‘D’s: Mrs. Pursell

           Mostly ‘E’s: Mr. Kanarek