by Ellie Pitkowsky ’18, Section Editor 

Let’s face it, spirit week is rigged. In my four years here, I can’t remember a spirit week in which I thought any grade that won was particularly deserving, and one group in particular always seemed to have an unfair disadvantage. You guessed it, the middle school. During the day, there are events that each grade competes in to be the winner of spirit week. The prizes for winning are taking over Mr. Austin’s job AND bragging rights. Wowie! The week culminates in homecoming day and a homecoming dance at night (which is a semi-formal event, meaning that sweatpants are generally frowned upon). As many of you may know, the seniors won spirit week. Following this announcement, I was in tears. For the rest of the day and the following weekend, I sat in my bed eating pasta and crying while listening to “The Hannah Montana Movie” soundtrack, lamenting the middle school’s brutal loss. I’ve been inconsolable since. Any mention of spirit week just submerges me further into the abyss of my despair. ANYWAY, the Middle School Monarchs deserved “the W”, and here’s why:  

1. Two words: LAVENDER. SHIRTS. Need I say more?
2. Rumor has it that the new middle school building was built just for spirit week as an allusion to medieval castles. That’s pretty hardcore! #KEEP #RISING
3. Smol.
4. The best skit I’ve ever seen. The way it made no sense just made complete sense, and the ambiguity of the whole thing far exceeded anybody’s expectations… very unique and nuanced. Bravo, my dudes!
5. A cohesive theme. Meaning, everyone dressed up as the same thing. A rarity for modern day spirit weeks.
6. Genuinely so smol. In case you haven’t realized, the middle school faces an unfair size advantage. While, according to my findings, the average middle schooler is a mere 3 feet 2.62 inches, the average upper school student is a whopping 4 feet 5 inches. That’s more than a foot difference. In order to make spirit week events more fair, upper schoolers should be required to spend the entire week on their knees.
7. Middle skewl rewlz, upper skewl drewlz!!

Well, there you have it. The middle school did not get what they deserved, and you don’t even have to like my opinion to know that it’s right, while yours is stupid and dumb! But, unfortunately, the outcome of spirit week is completely irreversible (further proving my theory that journalism is a useless practice).

Until next year! lol