by Michaela Wang ’21, Staff Writer

In light of Valentine’s Day, and the Shakespearean play “Twelfth Night” that I’m currently reading in my English class, I wanted to question whether people these days understand love, and if there’s even an explicit definition for it. “Ideal relationships,” fabricated with flawless romance and affection, commonly pervade the face of popular movies, TV shows, and books.  I grew up surrounded with fanciful desires, hoping that I’ll meet my “Prince Charming” who will “save the day.” But once one actually experiences romance for the first time, expectations are redefined. Especially during the teenage years, when attitudes change and our eagerness for relationships grows, the definition of love evolves from a perfect picture to a foggy abyss.  The ostensible view of love can be overrated with a pure and perfect facade, not addressing the negative aspects.

As a teenager myself, I am trapped with couples PDA-ing (Public Displays of Affection) all around me, and I can’t help but to cringe with distastefulness. I can’t walk through hallways without spotting some hand holding or cheek kissing. “Dating” in high school seems to mean putting your boyfriend or girlfriends’ names into your Instagram bio, mainly to show off that you are in a relationship. These young, immature relationships are usually for the betterment of themselves or for popularity. This love isn’t real “love;” it isn’t present just because your partner simply said it in the Instagram caption. One should be able to truthfully feel it. Teenage love is a more of a learning experience- maybe you might find your high school sweetheart at the age of sixteen, but most likely, relationships take trial and error.

The definition of love changes with time. When you grow older, people start to take love more seriously, and are willing to commit. The thing about love is that it takes willingness, it takes sacrifice, and most importantly- it takes devotion. When you were six, these were words that didn’t come to mind when thinking about love. The words that came to mind were romanticized terms, for example, “perfection”, “everlasting”, “splendid”, or “enchanting”. Love is so much more than this superficial meaning that our immature, adolescent minds have created. Love can be beautiful, love can be scary. But it’s a mix of all emotions, and that’s the beauty of it.

I’d like to think of a genuine romantic relationship as carrying a large, heavy backpack. It’s hefty, it’s painful, but man, was the scoliosis worth it.  As weighty of a situation as the backpack is, it carries really important objects. These important objects are hard to manage, like devotion, fear, time, and effort. Being a serious relationship asks someone to engorge their whole life into another’s. You are asking for the responsibilities, you are asking for heartbreak and pain. With sadness comes happiness, but with lust comes trouble. Being in a relationship will provide you with this sense of home, with this sense of belonging.

But being in a relationship can have a dark, one-sided undertone too, which William Shakespeare utilizes in many of his plays. Recently, I’ve been reading “Twelfth Night,” one of Shakespeare’s most popular romantic comedies. A childish Orsino is deeply infatuated towards Olivia, submerged in a constant love-melancholy for her. But in the latter parts of the play, he starts to show less genuine affection towards her. He’s in love with the idea of love rather than an actual human being. Commonly, people say they love you. But what they mean is they love how loving you makes them feel about themselves. A fundamental aspect of romance is expecting the unexpected. Love is filled with definitions, melodramatic emotions, and feelings. Just know that there is never one specific definition to it.