By Michael Wang ’20 and Teddy McGraw ’20, Humor Editors

Yesterday, October 31st, I took a stroll through the Livingston Mall. I pleasantly watched little children jump with glee as they picked out their new Halloween costumes in preparation for a big night of hauling candy and going to bed past 8 o’clock.

After such an enjoyable experience yesterday, I decided to go back to the Livingston Mall to take another stroll today…and this is when horror struck: I saw a Christmas tree. 

Throughout the entirety of my journey, I was paralyzed listening to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” Oh the horror! I was not even given enough time to process the end of October, let alone the existence of the month of November. How could the Livingston Mall do this to me?

Now I love Christmas and the holidays as much as the next guy, but we have barely cracked into November. Let’s keep it in the pocket, people. Enough of the holiday cheer. The fact that you’re looking forward to the holidays already is shameful and shows the mediocrity of your ever-so-bland lives.

What happened to Thanksgiving? I want to see wild turkeys running around the open fields of Essex County in fear. I want to see coupons to buy wholesale mashed potatoes from Costco, not advertisements about discounts on the Toys R Us website. Press F to pay respects 🙁 

Thanksgiving has long been rejected by the American youth culture. Canada always has a good time during their Thanksgiving in October, simply because it does not get overshadowed by the over-looming nature of the holidays. People are jumping the gun these days. They only care about the presents. What happened to some nice wholesome time with family where you have to pretend to like each other? It seems like everybody does that with their friends in school anyway. Since when did society become so materialistic? I blame it on the millennials. 

Let’s just all slow down a bit. Let’s appreciate the now. Appreciate the autumn leaves. Appreciate the pumpkin spice. Appreciate the UGGs. Acknowledge the existence of November. Hold the holiday spirit until after Thanksgiving. This is a wholesome time. A reflective time. Enjoy it while it lasts because you’re not getting any younger. Let’s just all live in the moment a little bit more. 

Just a final reminder: it is not acceptable to listen to Christmas music all year round.