by Michaela Wang ’21, Feature Editor

Young couples teem the hallways, snuggling in private nooks behind the library or face-to-face on a long, empty cafeteria table. You scoff at this “immature” romance, disgusted by their heartless intimacy and “surface-level” connection.  But you and I know the truth: we all want it. Why, after ample opportunities of friendship and family, do teenagers still feel so desperate and lonely?

Traditionally, the motivation behind young romance is validation. We hear it all the time that at such a fragile, vulnerable state, teens rely on their peers to fulfill insecurities and feed confidence. Through a boyfriend or girlfriend, these little con artists can paint a public image that they are wanted, and as a result, revel in the admiration from others. The only ones who truly believe in the relationship are those inside it: while lovers find genuine connection, understanding, and joy in each other’s juvenile arms, outsiders see these star-crossed lovers as impulsive kids whose reckless passion isolates them from family, rationality, and the inevitable heartbreak. 

An NA mother says: “I don’t allow my daughter to date. And if she does, she and I will both know that it’s not real. She’ll learn how to be a confident girl who won’t be swayed by flirtation, compliments, or any other conniving ways guys prey on a girl’s vulnerability.”

However, is it fair to label all young relationships as driven by immaturity? All humans– whether adults or teens– long for companionship. Adults suffer the same insecurities and too find supplementation in relationships. 

The wrinkle cream to love is not insecurity and brash decision-making. Love is immature when there is a lack of understanding not of the other person, but of oneself. Immaturity is more common amongst first-experience relationships – which tend to be younger – because the companions have yet to find themselves, and too quickly go to each other to discover their identity. When we don’t understand who we are, we are not ready to put ourselves out there for someone else.

This immaturity is further driven through the regulations placed on teens. “I feel like there’s hypocrisy among parents,” says an anonymous NA student, “they tell us to get off of our phones, talk to people, and develop human relationships, but when we actually get there and develop a really intimate relationship, they pull us back. It’s like they want us to be independent while still following their rules.” Barred by parental, personal, or environmental restrictions, teens perceive dating as rebellious and unique, making the act even more appealing. The more teens crave, the more desperate and irrational they become. 

Lately, the potential positive and negative effects of teenage romance have caught the attention of a number of researchers. Dr. Wyndol Furman, a professor of psychology at the University of Denver, recognized that adolescents’ lack of social skills and emotional control can make relationships difficult. Meanwhile, he believes romantic relationships can serve as sources of support that offer teenagers fun and companionship, help them forge mature identities, and offer them practice in managing emotions. Through these experiences can young people refine their scopes of love, seeing it as something that helps rather defines their identities.  

One NA student, who considers herself experienced in the dating field, claimed that her current boyfriend helped her raise her GPA. She commented, “Everyone thought it would distract me from my work, but the social interaction actually helped rather than hindered my performance in school.”  Whether for the PDA, or the GPA, immature first experiences are inevitable in a teen’s life.