By Wesley Brock ‘24, Humor Editor

1984 (1984)

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Patriotic music plays.

As Newark Academy’s highest, all-powerful authority, the School Council sees all. We rule from the sidelines. Our influence is omnipresent. Nothing slips past our spies. The Newark Academy Honor Council is nothing but a puppet. The teachers, the administration, Sage Dining Services … they are all under our complete control.

The Newark Academy School Council and our associates have noticed a disturbing lack of school spirit despite it being our most holy sestercentennial–a clear warning of a corrupted citizenry. Unspirited students are the heretics of our happy religion for which the Newark Academy School Council is both god and prophet.

In order to restore proper reverence for the sacred ritual of Homecoming, we have decided to release next year’s Spirit Day themes now, so all of our subjects may prepare accordingly.

GRADE 12: Supplicant Seniors

GRADE 11: Jailed-for-protest Juniors

GRADE 10: Subordinate Sophomores

GRADE 9: Funky Freshmen

GRADES 6-8: Manacled Middle School

STAFF: Fearful Faculty

The Newark Academy School Council expects cooperation from all Newark Academy students, as well as attendance at our upcoming ice cream social (we’ll have cornhole, lawn bowling, and giant chess!). The Newark Academy Honor Council will handle any dissidents.

Patriotic music ends.

This announcement was brought to you by the Honeywell alert system.

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