By Wesley Brock ‘24, Humor Section Editor

Image courtesy of Prostock-Studio

With nowhere else to air their concerns, students are forced to rely on sympathetic nods from their favorite English teachers.

A wise man once said that in life there are only two seasons: the season before Newark Academy School Council voice proposals, and the season after, where students find themselves lost in frustration without the promise of a golden oasis of honesty just over the last rolling dunes of winter break.

“It’s spring. The season of rebirth, you know? But I don’t want to be reborn into a world where the vending machines aren’t working when I need them,” remarked a philosophical sophomore. Complaining is fundamental to Newark Academy student culture, but now that voice proposals are only dim, happy memories from the wintry days of January, discontented students are left with nowhere to turn with their frustrations.

Except, it seems, the English Department.

“I think literary knowledge just makes people more understanding or something,” said one junior who regularly spends free periods in the center of the English office delivering soliloquies about the state of the school’s student spaces. “They’re so supportive. They keep telling me to do Poetry Out Loud.”

Many fellow unsatisfied students, however, do not find the unwavering support of their favorite English teachers enough. Another junior commented: “What’s even the point of getting my manifestos reviewed in Writing Lab if I can’t read them at voice proposals?” Clarifying that her first draft “wasn’t done” in time for the event, she suggested, “Voice proposals should happen at least twice a year.”

One student even claimed the lack of spaces for students to air their complaints bordered on oppressive. When asked if he planned to protest, the student said, “No, I’ll save it for voice proposals.”

The reliance of students upon their English teachers has taken a toll on the department as well. One teacher recalled the scores of emails she had to reply to every night from some enraged student with no other release now that voice proposals had passed. “There’s really a sense of hopelessness,” she said. Another commented, “It’s not the complaints that bother me, it’s that I can’t understand why they don’t just talk to the administration themselves!”

The Minuteman asked the School Council what they would recommend as a solution to this problem. They replied, “That’s a great question! You should bring that up at voice proposals!”