By Caspar von Hollen ‘26, Humor Editor

Witnesses say the race was this close for all eight laps. (Photo courtesy of The New York Times)

When I found out my brother Konrad would be joining me at NA, I was elated. We would finally be reunited after spending middle school together. As September approached, though, I grew slightly anxious, like any protective older brother might. Would he have a smooth transition? Would he make friends quickly? How would his first day be? As it turns out, I should have been worried about myself!

It all started when my brother decided to join the cross-country team. As usual, the coaches had sent out a summer training plan. For fun, I decided that I would train with my brother. Naturally, there was a little brotherly competition, which only grew when Konrad went on the preseason trip to Brewster. Many of my friends were going on the trip as well, and I had no idea how well they would bond with my brother. After the ceremonial kicking of the freshmen to the front of the bus, they took him right in.

All week, my phone buzzed and vibrated with calls from my former friends, who now acted as instigators, acclaiming my brother’s speed in comparison to mine. In an attempt to “silence the haters,” I posted a run I had completed on Strava, a running social media app, that I was almost sure my brother wouldn’t have been able to keep up with. The comments appeared almost instantly: “Stop trying to prove something. He’s already faster,” and, “He really thinks he can outrun his brother.”

That was just the beginning. When my brother returned home and school started, the banter grew deafening. Any run I posted on Strava would receive comments like, “Imagine being that much slower than your little brother.” On Wednesday, the 4th of September, the banter boiled over. In school that morning, Josh Chernin ‘26 approached me and said, “There’s a two-mile time trial in cross-country today. You should come and race Konrad.” Uh-oh. While normally I’d jump at a chase to prove myself to the haters, my past week had been spent cramming in the summer homework I had blissfully ignored all summer, while Konrad’s had been spent diligently training. I knew it would be close, so I turned to excuses: 

“I don’t have my running clothes, and I can’t run in my convocation clothes.” 

Sasha Zhukov ‘26, who happened to be sitting next to me, turned to me all of a sudden and said, “I brought mine, but I can’t run today. You can wear them.” 

“Thanks, but I can’t run in the shoes I’m wearing now,” “Phew,” I had avoided the race. 

To my horror, Sasha then asked, “What shoe size are you?” 

“Ummm, like 9 and a half.” 

“That’s exactly my size,” Sasha responded. 

Gulp. 

So, after “running” the idea by the cross-country coach, the race was set. At 3:30, I headed down to the track to warm up and stretch with the team. As I lined up, my muscles felt ready, and the race started. 

For the first two laps, Konrad and I ran side by side, but eventually he strategically dropped back to run about five feet behind me. As we turned onto the straight of the seventh lap of the eight lap race, my brother sprinted by me to what he thought was the finish line. As he crossed it, he started celebrating, pumping his fists. My pace, however, remained steady. When I finished the seventh lap, I was met with a wall of taunts: “How’d you lose to your freshman brother?!” Huh? I defended myself vigorously, pointing out Konrad’s uncounted lap. For several minutes, we bickered back and forth, me arguing that there was no way we had finished that quickly, and my brother saying he too was surprised, but insisted that he had been counting. Eventually, after we had consulted with some other runners, it was agreed that the race was not over, so I took off for the final lap, picking up the pace significantly. Having just sprinted to the finish, my brother couldn’t keep up. 

After post-race interviews with other runners and my non-believer friends, the stewards ruled the race a tie. Regardless of the result and my strong performance, the mocking endures. My once proud Strava posts are now lost in a sea of comments hailing my brother’s speed. So, yes, my little brother is doing just fine at NA, and I am happy he is, as long as he doesn’t try to top my APUSH grade next!