By Matt Cowen ’13, Staff Writer

I believe that every great speech should begin with a reference to another great speech. So here goes:

Four score and seven years ago, umm, it was 1926? But 150 years before that, it was 1776. And we all know what happened in 1776. A Declaration of Independence was signed, declaring all men to be created equal. I now know, however, that all men were not created equally in one important category: humor!

Working for the Humor Section has been one of the best times of my life. The editors are just the greatest people you will ever meet! Greg is pretty much a demigod placed here on Earth to toy with us mere mortals, while Joe is a breath of fresh air in everyone’s life. *Note – this section was not edited; it was, at least somewhat, genuine*

What would I be without the Humor Section? Humorless, that’s what. Let me lay out a paragraph for you that I would have written had I never been a part of the Humor Section:

Marcellus is sitting alone in an 8×8 foot room, staring at a wall he had previously repainted. “Wow, that paint sure is drying quickly,” he observes, “just looking at the beautiful texture of the paint, I am in awe. I bet it has multiple coats. What a beautiful white, it looks like the gentle milk of a baby cow.”

I am repulsed by the previous paragraph. It is neither funny nor articulate. Only through the Humor Section can the funny side of any one person come out. The Humor Section has enabled me to open up to the world, to embrace my inner comic, and to be, well, myself. For that, I am eternally grateful.

Thank you, God bless you, and God bless the United States of America.

Amen.