By Greg Ruda, Humor Editor

Oftentimes I have sat here, in my bed, swaddled in my manger robes with a warm pepper nut pipe in hand and a glass of eggnog, telling you adventures of my past.  Times spent with the former editor Tucker Iverson a.k.a. “Big Bobby”, whose party tricks are the stuff of legend; old tales of a band called Panic Switch (still in existence as “Apollo Lee and The Intergalactic Messengers of Truth”); a satirical story about how no one knows what the heck they are talking about in English class. I even recounted my glorious days of watching Smallville instead of having a social life.

But my time as Humor Editor is up and after two years of being scolded by Mr. Stourton and Ms. Morin for late deadlines, I am relinquishing my position.  Alas there is no incentive for me to write a good article!  They can’t fire me!  And finally I can say what I have always wanted to say.  I want to tell you about my future.

20 years later…

 Ahh yes. Twenty years ago I sat in my bed with the world at my fingertips. Here’s an overview of what has happened since then:

• Greg Attended Gyllenhal University for the Gifted.
• Greg was expelled from Gyllenhall University for the Gifted for excessive loud noises and jokes about a strange word called Teeman.
• Greg went to Newark Academy every day for five years, not being able to let go of his past.  He won a certificate printed by Ms. Johnson for managing the Middle Schools Boys B Soccer Team.
• Greg began his own newspaper also called The Minutemen with Tucker Iverson.
• Greg had actually hired a hobo to pretend to be Tucker Iverson.  Ms. Galvin had the publication shut down.
• Greg moved to Livingston, Alabama and created his own Newark Academy.
• Given his campus plan consisted of six turf fields, and no cafeteria or classrooms, it didn’t work out.
• Greg returned to Newark Academy as Chief Tweeter.
• Greg was fired for using the word teeman too frequently.
• As luck would have it, a movie called “ Obnoxious Noises from an Annoying Man” was being made, and Greg won the lead role.
• Greg wasted all of the money he received as an actor on Newark Academy’s $5 jersey give-away raffle.
• Greg resides somewhere in Tulsa, plotting his return to the place where his glory days truly were spent: the Humor Section.

Postscript:

Goodbye Humor Section.  It has been swell.  I really enjoyed Chemistry Lab with you this year!  Carbon Dichloride ions LOL!!!  Our inside Joke!  It was nice getting to know you!  HAGS!!! (Have a great summer) Summer ’13!  NAGS!