By Zachary Epstein ’14, Staff Writer

As the snow melts and the school year marches into May, there is one thing on people’s minds. It is not the approaching end of school, and it is not those upcoming SAT 2s or AP tests. It is not finally learning how to swim in preparation for the summer, nor is it those days at the beach. Of course, it is figuring out how to finally impress that guy or girl of your dreams, and bring him or her to your high school prom. But unfortunately, it is extremely common for guys and girls to reject people based solely on whether or not the guy or girl likes the creativity of the way he or she was asked. Since not all of us are lucky enough to be in relationships as prom rolls around (because then your date has no choice but to say yes!), your friends at the newspaper have dedicated themselves to determining the best promposals.

Disclaimer: The Minuteman Humor Section is not responsible for broken dreams.

Top 10 Promposals:

10)      The Friendly Obstacle

Since the school year is almost over, your soon-to-be date won’t need to study anymore! With that in mind, find out when she has a huge upcoming test, and obtain their notes for that test. In a thick sharpie, marker, or perhaps even paint, write ‘PROM?’ across each page of notes, rendering the old writing unreadable. She will forced to acknowledge your promposal, and she will be so relieved she no longer has to study that she is guaranteed to say yes!

9)        The Constant Reminder

Find out where your potential date lives and bring several bottles of shaving cream. (Ensure she has a car.) Write ‘PROM?’ across the side of her car in shaving cream, to make sure it cannot be missed. (For those of you who are unaware, shaving cream removes paint from cars.) At the bottom, write ‘With lots of love! [your initials].’ If she does not own a car, you can substitute her car with one of her parent’s cars, but you must start with her name at the top. No need to ask their parents for permission.

8) The Last Resort

Ask your date who her least ideal prom date would be. When she mentions the name, excitedly respond, “Oh great, because he is not asking you! I am, so you must say yes!” Give it a moment to sink in, and then ask her when you should pick her up. If she said you were her least ideal prom date, laugh it off and tell her, she has a fantastic sense of humor. Tell her what time you will be picking her up.

7) The Needle in a Haystack

Note: only applies to the bold and courageous

Start a conversation with her. At some point during this conversation, ask if she would like to attend prom with you. Wait for her to respond, and listen to the response

Disclaimer: This method is not for everyone and should be used at your own discretion.

6) Fixing the Lottery

Convince your date about the importance of faith. Explain to her how she can find out who will ask her to prom using faith. Offer her a bowl filled with pieces of paper with everyone’s name in your grade, and tell her to draw one at random. This will be her date. Now, prepare the bowl. Write your name on 99 sheets of paper and insert them into the bowl. Practice acting surprised for when she draws your name.

5) Eliminating the Choice

With a straight face, hand your date a note with a cryptic warning and walk away. It should read ‘Go to Prom with [your name] or terrible things will occur…’ If she has not found you within three to five minutes, go find her again. This time hand your victim (prom date) a stopwatch that has somewhere between six and eleven minutes left on it. Watch your date from afar and hope they care about society more than they don’t want to go to prom with you.

4) The Original Backup Last Resort Final Chance Ehh, why not?

Create a sample letter that says, “Dear _________, After much consideration, I have decided you are the one and only one who I would like to attend prom with. Will you attend prom on my arm? With love, [your name]” Print this 50 times. Grab your yearbook and write the name of every girl in your grade on a copy of this heartfelt letter. Put the letters on everyone’s clips. Thank the math department for probability and hope for the best.

3) Desperation

There are way too many people who feel that there is no one willing to go to prom with them. Not to fear, everyone has at least one prom date that is just dying for the invitation! If you can’t find a real date, you can be sure your mom will jump at the opportunity to bring her little sunshine to prom.

2) The Reach

If you can’t find a real date, ask a celebrity and hope for the best!

1) The Classic

Many couples often get in trouble for a variety of reasons from Ms. Galvin, the Dean of Students. Wouldn’t it be great if you both could avoid this potential horror, no matter what you do? Well, there is! Ask Ms. Galvin to go to Prom with you! If she is a member of your couple, all other members of the couple will be immune to Ms. Galvin’s wrath by default (you).

Note: It has been brought to our attention that we should clarify that Ms. Galvin’s wrath is only inflicted upon those who deserve it.