By Andrei Buna ’15, Staff Writer 

Contrary to popular belief, I am rather tall. Six foot four and a half to be exact. For those European students that don’t exist in our school, that’s about 1.94 meters (source: mathematics). People tend to think height has no effect on the daily lives of Newark Academy students, but the NA “tall experience” is unlike any other experience at Newark Academy. To quote another member of the tall community, Sam Wood, who stands at an impressive six foot eight, “Being tall at Newark Academy is different.” Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Anyway, to show y’all a day in the life of a vertically accomplished person, I wrote a journal entry that logged any tall-related events that affected me during a typical Newark Academy day, starting with my morning routine. Enjoy!!!!!

 

6:15 am- Wakes up.

 

6:30 am- Gets out of bed. Hits head on ceiling. Feels rather concussed.

 

6:40 am- Gets dressed in whatever clothes still fit.

 

6:41 am- Hits head against ceiling again. Ouchie!!!!!!

 

6:45 am- Makes a four-egg omelet.

 

6:46 am- Makes yet another four-egg omelet, this time with some cheddar cheese to spice up a tall life.

 

6:55 am- Slams head into ceiling fan rather harshly. Starts to have blurred vision.

 

7:00 am- Brushes teeth for five minutes like normal tall people do.

 

7:15 am- Hits head against chandelier. Definitely loses a lot of blood from that encounter.

 

7:20 am- Gets in car.

 

7:21 am- Knocks head against car door. Definitely heard a cracking noise in that encounter.

 

7:45 am- TRAFFIC!!!! UGHHHHH!!!!!

 

8:00 am- Enters school.

 

8:01 am- Hits head against the sturdy Newark Academy brick wall. This normally would happen to short people.

 

8:10 am- Slouches down during morning meeting so other people can see the stage.

 

8:25 am- Runs into a pole.

 

8:30 am- Pupils dilate.

 

8:31 am- Sees stars floating around.

 

8:32 am- Darkness.

 

2:30 pm- Wakes up in nurse’s office, hits head against ceiling, passes out again.

 

9:00 pm- Wakes up at home with bandage wrapped around head.

 

9:01 pm- Feeling tired, probably because of the mono.

 

9:02 pm- Tall person mono.

 

9:03 pm- Slumber.