By Sanya Bery ’17, Humor Editor

On October 11th, the first set of The Minuteman was released. You, probably waiting by your computer for the email (because what else would you be doing?) immediately logged on and clicked the Humor Section only to find out that the editor, myself, didn’t write an article. You think to yourself, “that’s odd”.

Here’s the thing – I did write an article, but it wasn’t published. Why? Because it wasn’t funny enough.

Now you’re probably wondering: how unfunny can an article be that the editors just decide not to publish it?

I asked around and this is what I got:

Ms. Acquadro, one of the faculty advisors for The Minuteman said: “I’ve done a lot of hard things in my life: I read 45 poorly written essays on The Great Gatsby each year, I got my degree in college, gave birth, and in all honesty, all of them were less painful than reading this.”

The Global Speaker, Greg Lukianoff, who spent his whole life defending free speech, said that after reading my article he had the urge to repel the first amendment, because it should not be legal to be this unfunny.

The Editors-in-Chief and Dr. De Santa were unaware that the article was even meant for humor. “We thought it was a news article,” one of them explained. “And it wasn’t even good enough to publish as a news one.”

Danny Lifson’18 had a comment on the issue, but it was censored.

So if you’re reading this (which you probably won’t be, given my track record), don’t laugh. Report my article online. Leave a really mean comment! Rip my page out of the newspaper and burn it.

Maybe they will remove me as humor editor.

*DISCLAIMER: There is an 100% chance that all of the information in this essay (including the quotes) are very inaccurate.