By Tori Molinari ’17, Staff Kiva Club President 

Stewart, a member of the Newark Academy Class of 2022, has been a dedicated dancer for as long as he can remember. His mother often reminds him that he was dancing before he even came out of her stomach, as she fondly recalls him kicking inside of the womb.  Ah, the good old days. Currently, Stewart gets inspiration for his icy moves mainly from his Hip-Hop 365 teacher Brian, and also from the Instagram Explore page. He is an avid dabber, and typically likes to exclaim “IT’S LIT” before piping it up. This groovin’ teenybopper is famous within his dance crew for his signature moves. This break-dancin’ virtuoso thought he knew everything there was to know about the dance genre he practically invented, Hip-Hop (1). As Lil’ $tewie entered the auditorium on Wednesday, February 8th, he expected a typical Morning Meeting, filled with long-winded announcements and witty one-liners from the wise Dr. DiBianca. However, he got way more than he bargained for on that bleak, bleak morning.

The Umojaa presentation filled the rest of the audience with delight and adrenaline as it cheerfully celebrated Black History Month by highlighting the ways black culture has been the ringleader of popular dance moves for decades. But for Stewart the Sav, the only thing he received from that presentation was a slap in the face for the years of training he has endured. All of the whips, nae-naes, dabs, and juju-on-that-beats in the world could not console him, for he did not know the one dance that the audience seemed to enjoy the most: the Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em.

He has not been the same since that morning, and his classmates reckon he is suffering from an existential crisis. The 7th grade class has agreed to create a “Feel Better Soon” card for their classmate in suffering. However, his mother reports that Saucy Stew should be back in no time, as he’s been practicing the Superman That H** move in his room since that dreadful Wednesday morning. She is working on finding a teacher at Hip-Hop 365 with a rounder understanding of Hip-Hop essentials so that Steezy does not have to suffer from this kind of trauma again. She is confident her son will return to pleasing his classmates with his poppin’ and lockin’ in no time.

Footnotes

(1) Stewart does not yet understand the definition of “cultural appropriation”.