by Ellie Pitkowsky ’18, Section Editor 

Well, hello everyone. As the end of the year approaches way faster than you ever could have imagined, you’re probably thinking, “My grades are terrible. I hate my life. How can I bring my grades up last minute without much work at all? I don’t even care if it’s ethical or not. I’ll blackmail my teachers if need be.” Good news! I have answers for you. Below, you will find the 5 best ways to raise your grade before the semester ends. I hope you enjoy. If none of these work it’s because you were bad at taking my advice, sorry ://

1. CHEATING – Always start with the best idea. What better way to succeed beyond your normal potential than to cheat off people who are better than you? Whether it’s that quick glance over during a test, making someone write your entire The Great Gatsby essay in exchange for a singular dollar, or having a man from China that you met on chatroulette write out your Mandarin presentation for you, the opportunities are endless. Go get ‘em, tiger!
2. BLACKMAIL – Need I say more. There’s nothing that makes a teacher more eager to raise a student’s grade than a letter saying that someone is going to slash the tires of his or her car if a certain student doesn’t receive an A on his or her next in class essay. Don’t fear being too harsh, you’re doing great.
3. ENTICING FELLOW STUDENTS INTO FAILING – This is one of my personal favorites. If you’re concerned that you’re not going to do so well on your next test, pay students in your class to get in the 65-75 range. If enough people in your class receive these grades, the teacher is likely to curve the test. Then, you can get a better grade!
4. GRADE YOUR OWN WORK – Another good one. If you get an assessment back and you’re not happy with the grade, change it! Hand it back to the teacher, and they’ll put it into their grade book with the changes you made, no questions asked. This method is a personal favorite because it shows teachers that you take initiative and are perseverant no matter what the situation is!
5. MAKE UP YOUR OWN ASSIGNMENTS – Newark Academy doesn’t allow extra credit, but they never said anything about creating your own assignments! Do an art project for the classroom and give yourself a 100%. Bake your class cookies (EAT THEM IN THE DINING HALL) and add 35 points to your average. The possibilities are endless. This method also shows initiative to teachers and they will value you as a student because of your innovation and dedication.