By Charlie Hynes ‘22 and Ethan Lee ‘22, Humor Writers

Let’s be real, the freshmen in the hallway are becoming a problem. Every time we try to walk through the hallway, they form a wall, making it impossible to get through the hallway without causing a calamity. Fortunately, we have come up with a number of ways to help you get through the hallway.

• Push through the hallway ruthlessly – Take matters into your own hand and shove the freshman out of the way until you have cleared a path for yourself.
• Stare Them Down – Hopefully, they will fear your death stare enough to move out of the way.
• Yell “Teachers are doing nicotine testing” – Even if it may not be true, it will send freshman running in all different directions and is one of the quickest ways to clear the hallway.

• Pull the fire alarm – The freshman will flee due to the hideous noise and water raining from the ceiling.
• Yell free food – Freshman will ALWAYS move over the thought of free food.
• Tell them Ms. Galvin is coming to see who’s backpacks are in the L – Watch them flock to the L, as they try to evade a quick detention.
• Crowd the hallway before they can – Give them a taste of their own medicine, if the hallway is already blocked, how are they supposed to block it?
• Threaten to rat on them if they don’t move – Worst case scenario, threaten to report them to Ms. Galvin and they will gracefully move.

We hope you take note of these smart ideas.  Feel free to use any (or all) of these tactics the next time you are trying to get through the hallway.