By Chloe Zhou ’28, Humor Writer

As the world becomes more and more digital and people are looking forward to the day ChatGPT takes over, one final debate remains: Are e-books or physical books superior? Fifty years from now, people won’t even know what having full control over themselves is. Their brains will all have been infused with technology and updated to BrainGPT after ChatGPT seized control of them. “E-Books? Physical books? What the heck are those?” They’ll say, “I only know what ChatGPT implants into my brain.” E-Books will be a thing of the past, a thing only the “boomers” will understand. As for physical books? Man, they’ll have their own chapter in the history books. But let’s look at the debate as it stands now.

Physical books: Is breaking your back really worth it? Is not being able to stand up straight when you’re an old fogey with wrinkles really worth it? Well, if you have a high ego, then 1,000 percent. Not only do physical books look cool, but think of the bragging rights that physical books bring you! 

“I have five books in my backpack right now that I’m reading all at once. I can show you!” 

said a sophomore pretentiously.

Lugging around books automatically makes you look smart, no matter how low your English grade is. Bonus points if you take them out and pretend to read them! No one would dare walk past a physical book reader deeply immersed in a book and whisper to their friends about how dumb they look. So, if you’re in desperate need to impress someone, then physical books are your best friend.  Just be prepared to pay the price with your back, and you’ll instantly gain infinite “aura.”

You may be wondering, can e-books really compete with that? Well, if being tech savvy earns you bonus points, then 1,000 percent. See someone you desperately need to impress? Just whip out your e-Reader app and start loudly explaining how you can carry a mini library in your pocket. 

“I have 598 books downloaded right now, and I can carry them everywhere with me. As I’m reading, I can even change the font size!”

Not to mention, if you care about your appearance when you’re retired, then e-books are definitely the way to go. While everyone else in the retirement home is limping around with canes and stuck in wheelchairs, your lower back will be in pristine condition. 

“Oh Judy, my hair may have fallen out like the rest of you guys, but it’s so nice being able to hobble and run! How drastic that you require a cane. How sad that you cannot carry multiple bags of groceries at once!”

Ultimately, whoever comes out victorious over this battle may never be settled, but both parties will be reading for years to come based on their personal preference.  So what will it be for you?  Physical books or e-books? Your public aesthetic or your back?