By Tucker Iverson ’12, Staff Writer

Editor’s note: This article was originally written in Swedish, and translated by Robert “Tucker” Iverson IV, Esq.

With the end of days inevitable, one thing is on everyone’s mind.  When will the prejudice stop?  Will it gradually die down like a sunset? Or will the stop be abrupt like a pancake? (Editor’s note: apparently this metaphor didn’t translate properly.) As of now, no one is yet sure, not even the great scientific minds of our time.  They are sure it will happen, however, and assure this Scandinavian Stud that it will first happen in the assertion that many people make regarding the humorous tendencies of a certain American country, specifically America.

Here is an interview with an American that, without a doubt, proves that they aren’t funny:

Interviewer: So what do you think of Sweden’s current constitutional monarchy with a parliamentary democracy of government and highly developed economy?  And how do you feel that this affects their high standard of living especially with their low population density of 19 inhabitants per square kilometre?

American: Wait, how did you get in my house…?

You see?  Even when Americans are lobbed an easy setup for a joke, they fail to capitalize upon the opportunity.  Because here in Sweden, the population density is 21 INHABITANTS PER SQUARE KILOMETRE (LOL!).

In this Nordic reporter’s opinion, Americans should all be more like Larry the Cable Guy with his sophisticated humor and classy attire, especially when playing places as refined and tasteful as the Chickin n’ Ribz Comedy Joint.  Or even better, like the Nordic version of Bill Cosby, Sven Cösbjörn.

Here is an example of a classic Nordic Joke, (keep in mind, our only source of food is the delicious isbjörn, or polar bear.)

Ok, this baby polar bear says to his dad “Dad, am I a polar bear?” The dad responds “Yes, of course.  You’re my son, I am a polar bear and your mother is a polar bear.  It just makes sense that you’re a polar bear.”  Then the polar bear says “but I’m chili.”

There you have it.  You’re welcome, America.