Dear Carissa,

People often mistake me for this other girl in my grade (let’s call her Proscia) . I can’t stand it. I am my own woman you know? Every time I hear some one call me Proscia I want to curl up in a ball (not the cute and cuddly type!) and die. How can I get people to call me by my real name?

Sincerely,

Whatever you do don’t call me Proscia

Dear WYDDCMP,

I have no experience in this field whatsoever, but I have a few suggestions. First off, you should change your name. It should be something along the lines of Paroscialine. People will then remember you for your unique and clever surname. Next, you should cut your hair off (approximately 6 inches), join the same fall sports team, sit near each other in English class, and anonymously quote her in emails. You may even want to appear at rap shows with her. The contrast will be so apparent that no one will ever mistake you two again!

Peace, Love, Apple Juice,

Caroscialine