On a serious note, all of us here at the humor section wish to say goodbye to Tucker Iverson, the humor editor for the past year.

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Dear Reader,

It saddens me to announce that the Iverson-Ruda editor-ship is slowly coming to a close, as this is Tucker’s last set as an editor.  I thought I’d reflect on the good, the bad, and the ugly to paint you a picture of what our time was like together…..

Flashback: September 7th, 2009, on a windy dew-filled morning.  Robert Iverson, the little dragon from the east applies to NA to fulfill his fencing destiny.  Little does young Gregory “Horace” Ruda (an astrophycisist in his own right) know, that their friendship and companionship would become the talk of the world.  At first, the two do not get along nicely: Lets face it, they are both behemoths in their respective fields, and cannot co-exist peacefully.  All throughout high school the two compete academically, socially, and spaciously.  Both eye the humor editor vacancy position like two frogs gazing upon a luscious pound of Hillshire Farm Meat (GO MEAT!).  The faithful day comes….

Disaster strikes as the two arch rivals are told that they must now work together, to try and heal the hurting humor section.  Ethnic tensions surmount, and neither believes that this can be done.  However while watching Remember the Titans, Denzel Washington’s words ring true to them: Maybe, just maybe they can put aside their bombastic egos and do something truly impressive.

Time goes by, and the two write voraciously.  Their egos are dueling, but they somehow figure out how to put their arrogance into their writing, rather than through argument.  The program turns around, and things seem to be going well…. BUT BAM: CLIMAX!  The National Humor Writing Contest for Prep-B New Jersey Private Schools is scheduled on the same day as the Jackie Chan Fencing Tournament.  Tucker cannot do both!  All of the hard work that Gregory and Tucker have done may be thrown to waste.  However, they come up with a solution (that cannot legally be expressed in this newspaper article, due to Cloning infraction violations).  Somehow, both events are completed and Newark Academy takes home the gold (twice).

After that day, the Humor Section was solidified as the best literary piece throughout the world (or maybe just Essex County Humor Writing Division).  Room 35 became a mecca to people all across the world, all who wanted to get a taste of the wit of the two Renaissance men.  The success slightly went to the their head: Tucker wasted all of his money on buying Alpacas that he would show off to women.  Greg, even worsely (Is that a word? No. Do I care? No.) changed Panic Switch’s name back to Beyond Paradise, further clouding the band’s true name in mystery (I had to make one last Panic Switch joke as this is the last time I can).  But through all the quirks and strange attitudes, the two remained focused and produced good humor.  And now the time of the great dynasty has come to an end, as Tucker must go off to Vietnam to fence versus Thailand’s great national team.  Speaking in the first person although I have spoken in the third the entire time, I don’t know what’s going to happen now.  Will I take my talents to South Beach?  No, I will remain loyal.  But  my rock, my soul, my heart Tucker Iverson is moving on to the Eastern Lands.  I must find a new companion who can hopefully continue on the legacy, and produce funny articles that 3% of the NA Population reads.   One thing for sure: There will never be another man like Tucker Juan Iverson, and also………………………..

THE NEW YORK MEGA MILLIONS JACKPOT LOTTERY IS NOW UP TO 500 MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Gregory “Katinkainkabagovinana” Ruda

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Dear Tucker,

Your strength is unimaginable, your poise is courageous, your courage is strong.  I only wish that I could have a few more years with you. It is incredible how you are able to balance so many activities.  I admire your grace under pressure and your pressure under grace.  Of course, you always make us laugh here at the humor section.

I am in awe of you.  No one has laughed harder at your various articles than me.  I would say that I am indeed your best friend.  Without a doubt, you are the coolest person I know and I wish you luck in all of your future endeavors.

Sincerely and with best wishes.

Signed,
Robert Walter Iverson IV, Humor Editor