By Lila Rimalovski ’15, Staff Writer Every year, the administration and faculty work tirelessly to continue to evolve our scholastic experience. After much deliberation, the following changes have been passed unanimously by the Curriculum Committee: All pre-calculus math classes will be taught using sign language and braille. Sixth grade science will include an extensive research…

By Matt Cowen ’13, Walrus Club Devotee Do you know how many times I’ve been asked that question? Take the world’s sea lion population, double it, divide it by two, multiply it by itself, take the square root of that number, and multiply that value by pi (π); then, and only then, might you approach…

By Gregory Ruda, Barb’s Seniors Yoga Studio Class of ’65 The following was recorded through elaborate secret video cameras set up in a typical high school english class. Mr. Fepper: Okay class, today we’re going to analyze the novela A Rue, a Sunset, and Loss by David (pronounced Daveed) Hopkins.   You all read the first…

By Lila Rimalovski ’15, Staff Writer As the denizens of this pristine, rigorous institute enter the remaining ¾ of the academic school year, it is apparent that there is one piece of motivation encouraging these students to work their hardest for the next few months. Some students argue that it is the Spring Dance Concert,…

By Gregory Ruda ’13, Jeff Peng ’12, Tucker Iverson ’12 (Ex Humor Editor), Gracie McNeely ’12 (Ex Humor Writer) Amid the plethora of college work that seniors are currently dealing with, I thought it would be groovy to look back at our past senior friends who went through this arduous process before us, and see…

By Maddy DeLamielleure ’15, Adina Gitomer  ’15, Sara Widmann ’15 Ever wonder why you can’t find your teachers on Facebook? Well three highly esteemed Minuteman Humor Section staff writers have done some extended research to find out. Here are their REAL Facebook names: Mr. Mallalieu: CanIGetA Mallalieujah Ms. Railsback: Railsback Atchya Mr. Austin: Don Dallas Marquis Scott:…

By Lila Rimalovski ’13, Leader of NACFCAFIC++OC School is hard. And yes, so are rocks. But, there is one obstacle that all Newark Academy students come across. What is this obstacle you ask? It’s not Alby the dog, nor is it finding a way to connect your computer to the printers in the library, it…

By Joseph Denoon ’13 and Gregory Ruda ’13, Humor Editors   Kaltenbacher – noun –  an open, easily viewed space that makes it equally awkward for those inside and those outside. Example: My Goldfish’s bowl is such a Kaltenbacher.   Facebook Political Fight – noun – an accelerant, or fuel for a fire.  Does nothing to fix the situation. Example: T.J:…

By Matthew Douglas Cowen ’13 (Dates yet to be confirmed) Senior Grill at morning meeting Would you like your eggs scrambled or sunny-side up? We pay YOU $2 for a casual day Because we have sooooo much money to give out! Lobster and filet mignon for lunch I wanna see the caf pull this off.…