By Gregory Alejandro Ruda I’m going to begin with a disclaimer:  98% of what I have written in the past never happened. I’m sorry for lying to you, but it’s true.  A rodeo team sponsored by the Young Republicans club coming to NA?  Panic Switch playing polka music?  (Maybe not so unrealistic…) Come on. The…

By Adina Gitomer ’15 Senior Initiation = tarp + chocolate sauce – personal hygiene   Advisor Groups 2013 = normal advisor groups – doughnuts – happiness   anxiety + pressuring the middle schoolers to eat fast + anger = First Fifteen Minutes of Lunch   Tests at Newark Academy = SAT+ACT   Grilled Cheese System…

By Gregory “Veronica” Ruda and Joseph “Loretta” Denoon ’13   Immersion- n. The Administration’s way of getting below the fire department’s maximum capacity requirement. Ms. Malfoy: We could just have morning meeting for every grade in a different room? Mr. Potter: No, we’ll just send them off to Vietnam.   June Term- n. A social experiment conducted…

By Gregory Alfredo Ruda ’13 Newark Academy prides itself on great athletics.  Our soccer team beat Montclair in the Essex County tournament, our basketball team conquered the Cougars… However, there is a rising demand for the introduction of new sports, namely bocce ball, rodeo, and badminton.  In this article I will analyze the possibility of…

By Matt Press ’14, Cillian Connor ’14, and Alex Tarowsky ’14 Please answer these 5 questions truthfully. Select only one answer. 1.) How many times a week in school do you listen to your heart by listening to the song Listen to Your Heart by DHT? A) Right before sports practice (1) B) Only during…

By Christian “Kirkpatrick” Pinto and Nicholas “Darius” Williams               She sits in the library studying. I stare at her. In my mind we’re on the savannah and I’m a lion about to pounce on that good looking gazelle. She catches my eyes. For a moment we are one….. and…

By Gracie McNeely ’12, Professional Horoscope Culture Artist Happy Birthday, Pisces! Pisces February 10 – March 20 Looking for love? Too bad! This is going to be really tough month for you. Just when you think you have it good, someone is going to randomly punch you in the face. But guess what? You probably deserved…

By Carissa “Loretta” Szlosek ’12, Staff Writer and Volunteer Police Chief *photo credits to Carissa Szlosek, especially the nifty one of her and Benoit in the last panel.

On a serious note, all of us here at the humor section wish to say goodbye to Tucker Iverson, the humor editor for the past year. ——————————————————————————————————– Dear Reader, It saddens me to announce that the Iverson-Ruda editor-ship is slowly coming to a close, as this is Tucker’s last set as an editor.  I thought…

By Molly Alter ’12, Staff Writer Dream “If you love something set it free.” I was 14 years old, an innocent girl from New Jersey with perfect features and a beautiful home. Yet something was missing. There was a hole deep inside me, waiting to be filled. I needed to be…inspired. That’s when I decided…