Author: jdenoon13
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A Farewell and a Call to Action
By Joe DeNoon ’13, Humor Editor This will be my final article as Humor Editor. Well, I have to say it has been a blast. I’ve really enjoyed making all twelve of you that read this laugh, chuckle, or do that exhalation of air when something is mildly amusing. There you go. That noise. As…
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Matt Cowen’s Farewell Address
By Matt Cowen ’13, Staff Writer I believe that every great speech should begin with a reference to another great speech. So here goes: Four score and seven years ago, umm, it was 1926? But 150 years before that, it was 1776. And we all know what happened in 1776. A Declaration of Independence was…
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An Incredibly Detailed Analysis of the Fiscal Cliff Dilemma
By Matthew Cowen ’15, Staff Writer/Friend
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15 Easy Ways to Avoid College Talk
By Joe DeNoon ’13, Editor/Man With college decisions season upon us, a reference guide of 16 conversation topics has been assembled for friends of seniors. Here’s what to talk about instead of college decisions: The weather- the classic conversation starter can help you get a conversation going, or change the current topic. Always exciting. Their…
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Political Fights Disappear
By Joe Denoon ’13, Humor Editor President Barack Obama won reelection, and Former Gov. Mitt Romney has to settle with living in a larger house. But in local terms, Newark Academy is finally at peace. With the election season over, we’re seeing the partisan arguments dying down in favor of arguments between Republicans and Democrats. …
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Chris Paolini on His French Adventure
By Chris Paolini ’13, Staff Writer France était amusant. J’ai pu rencontrer la Tour Eiffel. J’ai aidé à construire la Statue de la Liberté. J’ai appris à propos de l’Amérique. Je dois dire que je suis un clone. J’ai été cloné. Je vous ai trompé. Le vrai Chris est enfermé dans le musée du Louvre. Maintenant,…
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Millions Celebrate the Safe Return of Plain Bagel
By Joe DeNoon ’13, Humor Editor Millions of people have taken to the streets to celebrate the return of Plain Bagel to the Newark Academy cafeteria. The cafeteria had been occupied by the followers of Whole Wheat Bagel for nearly a year, when a joint strike force team comprised of Navy Seal Team 462, retired…
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Newark Academy Commandments
By Joe DeNoon Sr. THIS JUST IN A list of rules and regulations has been put forth for all students to follow… Do not take the Athletic Director, Mr. Gilbreath’s first name in vain. Detention will ensue. When thou hast seen a senior walking down the hallway in the opposite direction from thou, part to…
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Meet the Humor Staff: Guess Who?
By Lila Rimalovski ’15, Staff Writer Well, a new school year has started. The Humor Section thought we’d take the chance to introduce ourselves with a Guess Who? There is a special prize for the winner. Think you know who this hottie is? He enjoys making needlepoint pillows and eating bugs. He takes his…