By Congresswoman Lila Rimalovski ’15, Humor Staff Writer #islandschool After I returned to the bustling streets of Livingston, NJ and the pastel pant-filled halls of Newark Academy, I felt that the school community posed a question that remained unanswered. What really happens when you go to a semester school? Wow, I’m blushing. I’m really honored,…

By Erin Mooney ’16, Humor Staff Writer Taylor Smith: Girls basketball had a game this weekend. We won the state finals against Shabazz 75-10 and qualified to go to the Olympics so come out and support. Eric Szlosek: Unfortunately men’s basketball lost a close game to Livingston this weekend but this Friday at 7 we’re…

By Max “Saucy” Whitmore ’14, Humor Editor After a stellar season consisting of a plethora of awards, praise, and phone numbers (thank you Aditya aka “O Dog”), the members of the Newark Academy Men’s Cross Country team hung up their short shorts and “turnt down” in an effort to acclimate back into The Academy’s community,…

By Erin Mooney ’16, Humor Staff Writer Who among us has not gone through the struggle of not knowing what to write on a friend’s wall for their birthday? Well fear not. Here is a guide to knowing exactly what to write on someone’s wall for their birthday for any and every relationship you could…

By Zachary Epstein ’14, Humor Staff Writer There are three camps of people at Newark Academy, and only one is able to do homework. The first camp is the non-procrastinating studiers. They are unable to do homework during their frees because they have already finished it over the weekend (14% of students). The next group…

By Dylan Flanagan ’16, Humor Staff Writer and Aiden Fox ’16, Humor Guest Writer

Aditya Srivatsan ’15, Staff Writer Hello Ladies. I realize that my previous column was directed solely toward men, so I decided to write this article to focus on helping you girls out. A pressing issue for girls is making a good impression on the first date, so here are some tips to help you out.…

By Dylan Flanagan ’16, Staff Writer and Aiden Fox ’16, Guest Writer

By Sydney Mann ’14, Staff Writer When members of The Polymnian sat down for our annual summer meeting, we, the stylish staff, came to a brick in the road—a metaphorical traffic jam on Parsonage Hill (not caused by Hannah Zack) if you will. Realizing that not enough emphasis was placed on the faculty, I suggested we…