Author: Tucker Iverson
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NewarkAcademyDictionary.com
By Tucker Iverson ’12 and Greg Ruda ’11, Humor Editors General Tso: n. A mysterious man whose existence is very unlikely. He seems to claim ownership over a simple chicken, broccoli, and rice dish. Example: Gwendolyn: Hey Rafael, your lunch looks really delicious! Rafael: Oh, it’s not really my lunch. It’s General Tso’s… Podium: adj. …
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Dear Carissa…
Dear Carissa, I really enjoyed reading your article last week, your advice really paid off. In fact, I got asked to senior prom! But now I have a new dilemma…I’ve been told I look like an alligator wearing high heels when I try to dance. How do I improve my skills so I can look…
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The News….According to Chris and Joe
By Chris Paolini ’13 and Joe DeNoon ’13, Staff Writers Nessie Admits Plastic Surgery Many of you have been wondering whether Nessie, the famed monster of the deep, has become a famous actor. Yes, Nessie is in fact Leonardo DiCaprio, whose name is an anagram for the famed beast. As you can see by the…
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Match.com Profiles
By Tucker Iverson ’12, Humor Editor Name: Harry James Potter Birth Date: July 21, 1990 Height: 6’ 1” Ethnicity: Half-Blood Occupation: Professional Wizard Relationship Status: In a relationship with my best friend’s sister (the bro code is only for muggles) Education: Hogwarts Drop Out Nicknames: The Chosen One, The Boy Who Lived Hobbies: Killing Voldemort,…
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A Day in the Life of a Teacher’s Pet
By Molly Alter ’12 and Gracie McNeely ’12, Staff Writers and “Special Helpers” Mrs. Hone’s coffee: two teaspoons of sugar, one tablespoon of milk, a dollop of love and a smile! “…and I said, ‘Stock Market? More like Flock Market!’” Ms. Galvin likes her robes the way she likes her hair: long, black, and voluminous.…
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Welcome to the Humor Section!
WATCH THIS FIRST! Video By Greg Ruda ’13 and Tucker Iverson ’12, Humor Editors and Ladies’ Men [vimeo 23597575 nolink]
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Top 10 Prom Asking Ideas
By Varan Satchi ’12, Commentary Editor and Tucker Iverson ’12, Humor Editor 10) Tattoo the word “PROM?” to your chest (make sure to avoid specific names in case of rejection) 9) Ask someone you’ve never met before with a morning meeting announcement 8 ) Shave it into Mr. Jacoby’s “beard” 7) Make Mr. Scott…
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60 Minuteman: Exposed
By Gracie McNeely ’12 and Molly Alter ’12, Staff Writers WARNING: Viewer Discretion advised. Content will be disturbing to most. [vimeo 23238337 nolink]
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NewarkAcademyDictionary.com
By Robert Walter Iverson IV ’12, and Gregory Horace Ruda II ’13, Humor Editors and Wordsmiths Extraordinaire Clam Strip: n. Something that looks slightly delicious at first, but on further inspection is found to be extremely fake. Example: Guy 1: Did you see Paris Hilton on the news last night? She looked pretty hot! Guy…
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Dear Carissa…
Dear Carissa, How do I talk to boys, specifically older ones? Should I pretend to accidentally run into them in the hallways, hoping they’ll notice me? On a separate note, what kind of chocolate does Mr. Scerra like? –Hoping to Pass Am Lit & Go to Senior Prom —————————————————————————————————————————————- Dear HPALAGSP, You have come to…