Teddy McGraw ‘20 and Michael Wang ‘20, Humor Writers Dear Diary, Times are getting rough. The future is no longer bright. Our numbers are diminishing by the year. All we have left is the class of 2019, 2020, and 2021. Soon we will be outnumbered, and eventually extinguished. Back in the olden days, we used…

Ethan Lee ‘22, Staff Writer In the wake of all the rights movements, we have taken a step backward. Men are no longer equal at Newark Academy. Before you lecture me on my toxic masculinity, hear me out. Whether it’s in attire or athletics, men have been marginalized. This country was founded upon the principles…

By Rohan Kapur ‘20 and Kellen Wang ‘20, Humor Editors Every Newark Academy class is special. The Class of 2019 was no different. Whether it was their athletic, academic, or artistic achievements, this class made Newark Academy proud. This class truly was a model for future classes, paving the way towards the light (ad lumen).…

By Charlie Hynes ‘22 and Ethan Lee ‘22, Humor Writers Let’s be real, the freshmen in the hallway are becoming a problem. Every time we try to walk through the hallway, they form a wall, making it impossible to get through the hallway without causing a calamity. Fortunately, we have come up with a number…

By Jack Osmond ‘22, Humor Writer When the S.A.C. was first introduced, some people didn’t think it was a great idea. At first, it was about as quiet as the auditorium after one of Prism’s jokes. Once everyone realized there was birthday cake, however, people flocked there like students flocked to the podium when Dr.…

By Kellen Wang ‘20 and Rohan Kapur ‘20, Humor Editors Daily Mantra I have to say, from my personal viewpoint, in my opinion, without offending anyone, I truly believe that narwhal butter is the source of life and we need to protect it at all costs even if it means having to sacrifice our children…

By Ethan Lee ‘22 and Charlie Hynes ‘22, Humor Writers Inspired by the Launch X Competition, an entrepreneurship competition where students come up with the best possible business ideas, we decided to come up with business ideas of our own. Here are a few of our best ideas. Plaque flavored toothpaste A company that helps…

By Michael Wang ‘20 and Teddy McGraw ‘20, Humor Writers The countdown to December 20th has begun. We can taste the sweet pleasure of the sixteen days of winter break. There is only one thing that stands in our way: Exams. Here are a few simple tips and tricks that you will need to fully…