Category: Humor
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A Day in the Life of a Tall NA Student
By Andrei Buna ’15, Staff Writer Contrary to popular belief, I am rather tall. Six foot four and a half to be exact. For those European students that don’t exist in our school, that’s about 1.94 meters (source: mathematics). People tend to think height has no effect on the daily lives of Newark Academy students,…
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Stuff NA Kids Say
By Zach Lathrop ’16 and Sam Rollenhagen ’16, Staff Writers Video by Aiden Fox ’16 Stuff NA Kids Say
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Top 10 Signs You’re Stuck in Holiday Limbo
By Erin Mooney ’16, Section Editor 1. You start seeing more tweets about distance learning and Don Austin canceling school. 2. You see people with pumpkins while you already have your Christmas tree (or vice versa.) 3. You hit up the mall for some Columbus Day Sales but you’re overwhelmed by the crowds of children in…
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Criteria for Making an Adequate Morning Meeting Announcement
By Tori Molinari ’17, Staff Writer 1.) Move the microphone around a lot; it will be sure to distract Dr. D from the fact that you’re wearing a sweatshirt. 2.) No announcement is complete without the use of “uh,” “so,” or “um.” 3.) You should definitely read your announcement from your phone if you want to…
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The Salad Bar: An Opportunity
Newark Academy deeply values community. It strives to create relationships between its students, teachers, and faculty. Thus, committees, peer groups, clubs, sports teams, and more are formed to encourage friendships and create connections. This is all well and good, but I still think we are missing a major opportunity for bonding: the salad bar in…
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Teachers Try Snapchat
by Victoria Molinari ’17 and Olivia Cubbage ’17, Staff Writers Nowadays, anywhere you go you can see people taking “selfies.” Selfie, as defined by Urban Dictionary, is “a ridiculous practice of narcissism,” where one or more people bunch together and snap a photo of themselves, hence the word selfie. Now I’m sure we’re all familiar with…
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Top Ten Reasons Why It’s Hard to Write an Article for the Humor Section
By Dylan Flanagan ’16 and Noah Nazmiyal ’16, Staff Writers Lila Rimalovski and Erin Mooney are the editors… It’s tough to write for an audience of five. The humor section group chat has turned into this kid hitting on sophomore girls. Noah Nazmiyal came up with none of these ideas. If you don’t think this is…
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Humor Section Staff ‘14-’15 #represent #whaddup
by Lila Rimalovski ’15, and Erin Mooney ’16, Humor Editors Welcome to the sports section!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahh just kidding it’s the humor section #wegotyou #jokenumberone We now think it’s appropriate to introduce the mighty crew who gratefully, loyally, and respectfully (joke number two) produces the articles that get increasingly strange and less funny over time like…
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How to Study for a Test
By Andrei Buna ’15, Humor Writer, and Olivia Cubbage ’17, Humor Writer So, you have a math test tomorrow and it’s super important that you do well. The problem is you don’t know how to maximize your time with the ol’ textbook. Do not fear, Olivia and Andrei are here. Pay close attention. It is…
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The Real Reason I’m Late
By Erin Mooney ’16, Humor Editor After an unusual spike in tardiness at Newark Academy, The Minuteman decided to do a feature on late arrivals at Newark Academy. While Ms. Duszak has said she enjoys reading the clever excuses, she has found that recently, far too many people have reported “dragons.” Even more confusing, one…