Category: Humor
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Newark Academy Dopplegangers
By Olivia Cubbage ’17, Tori Molinari ’17, and Erin Mooney ‘16, Staff Writers Have you ever thought that your Spanish teacher looked exactly like a male pop star, but couldn’t quite lay a finger on it? It’s no question that certain members of the Newark Academy community bear an unquestionable resemblance to certain celebrities, and…
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Siblings Exposed: What Annoys You Most About Your Sibling?
By Dylan Flanagan ’16, Staff Writer and Aiden Fox ’16, Guest Writer
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Teacher Superlatives
By Sydney Mann ’14, Staff Writer When members of The Polymnian sat down for our annual summer meeting, we, the stylish staff, came to a brick in the road—a metaphorical traffic jam on Parsonage Hill (not caused by Hannah Zack) if you will. Realizing that not enough emphasis was placed on the faculty, I suggested we…
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Why I Was Banned from the Library
By Max Whitmore ’14, Humor Editor Although I am still in a state of traumatic shock after having been banned from Newark Academy’s library, my therapist recommends that I give an account of what actions specifically barred me. Well, here goes nothing (straight from my diary). It was a seemingly normal Thursday morning as I…
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Newark Academy Senior Year Bucket List
By Max “Door Hinge” Whitmore ’14, Humor Editor and Sydney “Sydney” Mann ’14, Staff Writer Here at The Academy, there is a time and place for everything… it’s known as senior year. As your high school years come to a fast close, it’s easy to feel like you haven’t made the most of each and…
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Faculty Senior Facebook Names
By Matthew Press ’14, Staff Writer It seems to be a tradition now where every year seniors change their Facebook names to hide their scandalous activities from colleges. The Newark Academy Humor section has done some investigating of its own and found out some faculty member’s Facebook names from when they were seniors in high…
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O-Dog’s Dating Advice Column Issue 1
By Aditya “El Tigre” Srivatsan ’15, Humor Columnist 5 Tips to Improve Your Game We have all struggled, and we have all had our failures. That’s why people ask me to do this; they feel that as an experienced member of the game, I have good techniques to share with you. If it was unclear,…
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Surviving High School with Zachary Epstein Volume 2: “Lunch”
By Zachary Epstein ’14, Staff Writer Good morning (or afternoon, or evening) dedicated readers. Here at the Humor Section, we strive to make life easier for our diligent readers, and we usually have some sort of success. After looking at all the problems and obstacles facing our readers, we determined that there was one overwhelming…
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Surviving High School with Zachary Epstein Volume 1: “Prom”
By Zachary Epstein ’14, Staff Writer As the snow melts and the school year marches into May, there is one thing on people’s minds. It is not the approaching end of school, and it is not those upcoming SAT 2s or AP tests. It is not finally learning how to swim in preparation for the…