Category: Humor
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A Completely Fictional Prom Debacle
By Gregory Ruda, Humor Editor The following article is not based on actual events. The names, places, have been modified to ensure the safety of the participants of this ridiculous conversation… for no reason because this didn’t happen at all. In any way. Virginia: Hey Marcus! Marcus: Hey Virginia! Virginia: We should probably start thinking…
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What is Walrus Club?
By Matt Cowen ’13, Walrus Club Devotee Do you know how many times I’ve been asked that question? Take the world’s sea lion population, double it, divide it by two, multiply it by itself, take the square root of that number, and multiply that value by pi (π); then, and only then, might you approach…
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An Incredibly Detailed Analysis of the Fiscal Cliff Dilemma
By Matthew Cowen ’15, Staff Writer/Friend
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15 Easy Ways to Avoid College Talk
By Joe DeNoon ’13, Editor/Man With college decisions season upon us, a reference guide of 16 conversation topics has been assembled for friends of seniors. Here’s what to talk about instead of college decisions: The weather- the classic conversation starter can help you get a conversation going, or change the current topic. Always exciting. Their…
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A Rue, A Sunset, and Loss: A Day in English Class
By Gregory Ruda, Barb’s Seniors Yoga Studio Class of ’65 The following was recorded through elaborate secret video cameras set up in a typical high school english class. Mr. Fepper: Okay class, today we’re going to analyze the novela A Rue, a Sunset, and Loss by David (pronounced Daveed) Hopkins. You all read the first…
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A Newsletter for the New Year
By Lila Rimalovski ’13, Staff Writer After a very long, arduous, and complicated Outdoors Club meeting last Wednesday (Room 20 at 2:30, 2:50 on bonus schedule days if you are interested), I found myself wandering the halls of a place I like to call Newark Academy. This place has teachers, textbooks, mystery meat, and uncomfortable…
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June Term 2013
By Lila Rimalovski ’15, Staff Writer As the denizens of this pristine, rigorous institute enter the remaining ¾ of the academic school year, it is apparent that there is one piece of motivation encouraging these students to work their hardest for the next few months. Some students argue that it is the Spring Dance Concert,…
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College Update!!!!!
By Gregory Ruda ’13, Jeff Peng ’12, Tucker Iverson ’12 (Ex Humor Editor), Gracie McNeely ’12 (Ex Humor Writer) Amid the plethora of college work that seniors are currently dealing with, I thought it would be groovy to look back at our past senior friends who went through this arduous process before us, and see…
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Political Fights Disappear
By Joe Denoon ’13, Humor Editor President Barack Obama won reelection, and Former Gov. Mitt Romney has to settle with living in a larger house. But in local terms, Newark Academy is finally at peace. With the election season over, we’re seeing the partisan arguments dying down in favor of arguments between Republicans and Democrats. …
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Teacher’s Facebook Names
By Maddy DeLamielleure ’15, Adina Gitomer ’15, Sara Widmann ’15 Ever wonder why you can’t find your teachers on Facebook? Well three highly esteemed Minuteman Humor Section staff writers have done some extended research to find out. Here are their REAL Facebook names: Mr. Mallalieu: CanIGetA Mallalieujah Ms. Railsback: Railsback Atchya Mr. Austin: Don Dallas Marquis Scott:…