[youtube iULjFO1mJBA] Video by Bailey Galvin-Scott ’14, Image Staff.

By Chris Paolini ’13, Staff Writer France était amusant. J’ai pu rencontrer la Tour Eiffel. J’ai aidé à construire la Statue de la Liberté.  J’ai appris à propos de l’Amérique. Je dois dire que je suis un clone. J’ai été cloné. Je vous ai trompé. Le vrai Chris est enfermé dans le musée du Louvre. Maintenant,…

By Joe DeNoon ’13, Humor Editor Millions of people have taken to the streets to celebrate the return of Plain Bagel to the Newark Academy cafeteria. The cafeteria had been occupied by the followers of Whole Wheat Bagel for nearly a year, when a joint strike force team comprised of Navy Seal Team 462, retired…

By Lila Rimalovski ’13, Leader of NACFCAFIC++OC School is hard. And yes, so are rocks. But, there is one obstacle that all Newark Academy students come across. What is this obstacle you ask? It’s not Alby the dog, nor is it finding a way to connect your computer to the printers in the library, it…

By Joseph Denoon ’13 and Gregory Ruda ’13, Humor Editors   Kaltenbacher – noun –  an open, easily viewed space that makes it equally awkward for those inside and those outside. Example: My Goldfish’s bowl is such a Kaltenbacher.   Facebook Political Fight – noun – an accelerant, or fuel for a fire.  Does nothing to fix the situation. Example: T.J:…

By Matthew Douglas Cowen ’13 (Dates yet to be confirmed) Senior Grill at morning meeting Would you like your eggs scrambled or sunny-side up? We pay YOU $2 for a casual day Because we have sooooo much money to give out! Lobster and filet mignon for lunch I wanna see the caf pull this off.…

By Joe DeNoon Sr.  THIS JUST IN A list of rules and regulations has been put forth for all students to follow… Do not take the Athletic Director, Mr. Gilbreath’s first name in vain. Detention will ensue. When thou hast seen a senior walking down the hallway in the opposite direction from thou, part to…

By Lila Rimalovski ’15, Staff Writer Well, a new school year has started. The Humor Section thought we’d take the chance to introduce ourselves with a Guess Who? There is a special prize for the winner.   Think you know who this hottie is? He enjoys making needlepoint pillows and eating bugs. He takes his…

By Gregory Alejandro Ruda I’m going to begin with a disclaimer:  98% of what I have written in the past never happened. I’m sorry for lying to you, but it’s true.  A rodeo team sponsored by the Young Republicans club coming to NA?  Panic Switch playing polka music?  (Maybe not so unrealistic…) Come on. The…

By Adina Gitomer ’15 Senior Initiation = tarp + chocolate sauce – personal hygiene   Advisor Groups 2013 = normal advisor groups – doughnuts – happiness   anxiety + pressuring the middle schoolers to eat fast + anger = First Fifteen Minutes of Lunch   Tests at Newark Academy = SAT+ACT   Grilled Cheese System…