By Gracie McNeely ’12, Senior On May 3rd, 2012, the seniors checked out.  

By Gregory “Veronica” Ruda and Joseph “Loretta” Denoon ’13   Immersion- n. The Administration’s way of getting below the fire department’s maximum capacity requirement. Ms. Malfoy: We could just have morning meeting for every grade in a different room? Mr. Potter: No, we’ll just send them off to Vietnam.   June Term- n. A social experiment conducted…

By Gregory Alfredo Ruda ’13 Newark Academy prides itself on great athletics.  Our soccer team beat Montclair in the Essex County tournament, our basketball team conquered the Cougars… However, there is a rising demand for the introduction of new sports, namely bocce ball, rodeo, and badminton.  In this article I will analyze the possibility of…

By Joe DeNoon ’13, Editor-in-Humor  -Oh man, oh man. How could I have done this- -Hey, how you doing? -Woah! Who! What! -Where? -What? -Sorry, I was just continuing… nevermind… You seem pretty down on yourself right now. -Who are you? -I’m your conscience. -What? I thought my conscience was the right and wrong thing,…

By Matt Press ’14, Cillian Connor ’14, and Alex Tarowsky ’14 Please answer these 5 questions truthfully. Select only one answer. 1.) How many times a week in school do you listen to your heart by listening to the song Listen to Your Heart by DHT? A) Right before sports practice (1) B) Only during…

By Christian “Kirkpatrick” Pinto and Nicholas “Darius” Williams               She sits in the library studying. I stare at her. In my mind we’re on the savannah and I’m a lion about to pounce on that good looking gazelle. She catches my eyes. For a moment we are one….. and…

Sound Bites Collected by Tucker Iverson ’12, Humor Editor Welcome!! Hear What People Are Saying About The Humor Section!! “Funny!”—Mr. Austin “Hilarious!”—Dr. D “I wrote some of those articles.”—Tucker Iverson “I actually found myself laughing!”—Someone who rarely laughs “I accidentally stumbled upon this while trying to check my homework, and couldn’t stop reading!”—Griffin Glatt “No…

By Tucker Iverson ’12, Humor Editor, and Mr. David Beckman, Essay Editor Mr. Beckman’s Slot D World Literature Class In-Class Essay on “Lord of the Flies”   Prompt:  Please write a paragraph for me responding to the question “What do the main characters of Lord of the Flies show about the inherent nature of human society?” …

By Gracie McNeely ’12, Professional Horoscope Culture Artist Happy Birthday, Pisces! Pisces February 10 – March 20 Looking for love? Too bad! This is going to be really tough month for you. Just when you think you have it good, someone is going to randomly punch you in the face. But guess what? You probably deserved…

By Tucker Iverson ’12, and Greg Ruda ’13, Humor Editors NA Jam n. A delightful blend of Gooseberries, Raspberries and Orange Rind.  It tastes great on NA Toast or NA English Muffins. Herbert: Yumm that NA Jam was delicious! Stacy: I concur! TOK ph.  A phrase used to describe anything vaguely confusing or annoying. Patty:…