Category: Humor
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Dear Carissa…
Dear Carissa, I am having trouble making deadlines at school and I’m falling behind. I feel like I postpone everything and I feel my work piling up. What should I do? -Call me the White Rabbit Dear White Rabbit, I totally know how to handle this, and I would tell you, but I have…
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Predictable and Unpredictable With Willa Schwarz
By Willa Schwarz ’15, Staff Writer and Fresh Princess Unpredictable The middle school won more than zero events. The fire department tried to fine us on our beautiful hallway decorations instead of complementing Dr. D on his main role in the Juniors of Oz. The freshman beat the juniors at knockout and Ping-Pong. Everyone laughed…
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Newarkacademydictionary.com
By Tucker Iverson ’12, Second Cousin of Mirriam and Greg Ruda ’13, Uncle of Webster by Marriage Settle Down Gang ph. A phrase that Librarians use in order to achieve silence, so they can play Angry Birds on their Ipads. Actual Meaning: If you don’t shutup, I will make a Human Carpaccio out of your flesh.…
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Greg’s Weekend Schedule
By Greg Keenan Ruda ’13, Humor Editor, Normally this is the spot where witty remarks are made, and the writer has a beautifully crafted introduction….I don’t…. So… I mean the title is pretty self-explanatory… What more do you want from me? Like seriously, what more could I add to make you enjoy this more?! Hey…
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Top Ten Awkward Hallway Moments
Top Ten Awkward Hallway Moments By Greg Ruda ’13, Humor Editor 1. You see your teacher from far away, and say, “Hi” to them. This leaves an akward moment of walking by eachother after you’ve said “Hi.” 2. Not saying “Hi” soon enough, and causing them to say “Hello.” This lowers their opinion of you.…
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Humor Intro III
G & T (Who came up with “&”? and why wasn’t the word “and” good enough for them?) [vimeo 29819197]
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Newarkacademydictionary.com
By Tucker Iverson ’12 and Greg Ruda ’13, Humor Editors Senior Corridor n. A place where backpacks can be free from the tyrannical dean. Example: Backpack 1: Hooray! I’ve escaped the “L” I can now be free from capture and torture. Backpack 2: I never feel safe. Backpack 3: I didn’t know we could talk……
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My Summer Vacation
By Tucker Iverson ’12, Journalist, Lover & Freedom Fighter Invariably, in the mystical journey along the path that we call life, one experiences a multitude, nay a veritable plethora, nay a vast cornucopia of happenings throughout their short walk. Being one of the “ones,” I too have encountered things. These are things beyond your wildest…
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Meet the Humor Staff!!
We here at the newspaper thought it would be an excellent idea for you to meet some of the wondrous specimens that write for this newspaper…specifically for the humor section. Most are attractive. Enjoy. Jeff Peng Pardon me while I finish my 200thpull-up. My chief, Tucker Iverson, just sprung this assignment on me in the…
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The 10 Best Things About Newark Academy
By Molly Alter ’12 and Gracie McNeely ’12, Staff Writers 10) When you say goodbye to a teacher and then pull up next to them, waiting for the traffic light. 9) When the fire alarm goes off and the emergency exit is the construction site. 8 ) When you walk into the ILC and notice…