Category: Humor
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Match.com Profiles
By Tucker Iverson ’12, Humor Editor Name: Harry James Potter Birth Date: July 21, 1990 Height: 6’ 1” Ethnicity: Half-Blood Occupation: Professional Wizard Relationship Status: In a relationship with my best friend’s sister (the bro code is only for muggles) Education: Hogwarts Drop Out Nicknames: The Chosen One, The Boy Who Lived Hobbies: Killing Voldemort,…
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A Day in the Life of a Teacher’s Pet
By Molly Alter ’12 and Gracie McNeely ’12, Staff Writers and “Special Helpers” Mrs. Hone’s coffee: two teaspoons of sugar, one tablespoon of milk, a dollop of love and a smile! “…and I said, ‘Stock Market? More like Flock Market!’” Ms. Galvin likes her robes the way she likes her hair: long, black, and voluminous.…
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Welcome to the Humor Section!
WATCH THIS FIRST! Video By Greg Ruda ’13 and Tucker Iverson ’12, Humor Editors and Ladies’ Men [vimeo 23597575 nolink]
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Top 10 Prom Asking Ideas
By Varan Satchi ’12, Commentary Editor and Tucker Iverson ’12, Humor Editor 10) Tattoo the word “PROM?” to your chest (make sure to avoid specific names in case of rejection) 9) Ask someone you’ve never met before with a morning meeting announcement 8 ) Shave it into Mr. Jacoby’s “beard” 7) Make Mr. Scott…
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60 Minuteman: Exposed
By Gracie McNeely ’12 and Molly Alter ’12, Staff Writers WARNING: Viewer Discretion advised. Content will be disturbing to most. [vimeo 23238337 nolink]
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NewarkAcademyDictionary.com
By Robert Walter Iverson IV ’12, and Gregory Horace Ruda II ’13, Humor Editors and Wordsmiths Extraordinaire Clam Strip: n. Something that looks slightly delicious at first, but on further inspection is found to be extremely fake. Example: Guy 1: Did you see Paris Hilton on the news last night? She looked pretty hot! Guy…
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Dear Carissa…
Dear Carissa, How do I talk to boys, specifically older ones? Should I pretend to accidentally run into them in the hallways, hoping they’ll notice me? On a separate note, what kind of chocolate does Mr. Scerra like? –Hoping to Pass Am Lit & Go to Senior Prom —————————————————————————————————————————————- Dear HPALAGSP, You have come to…
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Congratulations Reader!!
From the Desk of the Humor Staff Greetings faithful reader, Congratulations! Just by reading this article, you have qualified for the “Monthly Photobooth Picture of the Month Contest!!” This is where we take the best of your pictures and fit them into categories, posting them on the website. For next issue, please send any…
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College Application
By Tucker Iverson ’12, Humor Editor Essay Question #3 What personal experiences, events, or people have changed your life and shaped you to be the person you are today? What particular qualities do you have that make you unique? What makes you different from others and why does this matter to you? ————————————————————————————————————————————– My name…
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The Sophomore Rap Epidemic
By Christian Pinto (Phillippinto) ‘13 and Alex Liao (Snake Eyez) ‘13, Staff Writers April 11, 2011. A day that will forever live in infamy. On this historic day at exactly 1300, the first unofficial “rap battle” of Newark Academy history began. How did it start? According to legend, the dispute was instigated when sophomores Ned…