By Jeff Peng ’12, Staff Writer and Ground Ball Specialist Every morning, my iHome plays some Dave Matthews Band, pumping up my room with some chill tuneskis. Word to the wise: NEVER use the radio, or risk waking up to Ke$ha EVERY morning… take my word on that…you’ll thank me later.  After Dave Matthews starts…

By Jack Breene ’11, Staff Writer, and Jack Lawler’ 11, Humor Editor Lately, a lot of you have probably been wondering a few things: How will Obama’s health care plan go over? Is Jack Breene seeing anyone? With the Humor editors being so hilarious, why doesn’t their work always live up to expectations? Well, maybe…

By Jack and Jack Humor Attack, Jack Breene ’11, Staff Writer and Jack Lawler ’11, Humor Editor Once a year, the senior class gets the opportunity to reflect on and anonymously judge their peers. This time of year, filled with joy, shattered egos and tax returns, can make or break the rest of a senior’s…

By Tucker Iverson ’12, Staff Writer, with contributions from Steven Uberoi ’12 Open Campus. Instead of the lame, barely audible bell, we should have Morgan Freeman’s voice reading us what class we have next. Individually. We should have an open campus. A complimentary Parlin vest upon graduation. Getting a muffin that hasn’t been coughed on…

By Chris Paolini ’13 and Joe DeNoon ’13, Staff Writers On the second Sunday of January, January 21st, Steve, who plays a popular role in the hit cartoon show “Blue’s Clues” and also models part time for Calvin Klein Green Collection, was taken into custody by the Australian Secret Service, Kangaroo Division.  The authorities located…

By Robin Giles ’12, Tucker Iverson ’12, and Matt Lara ’12, Staff Writers [youtube Cz12UYgsolg nolink]

By Jack Lawler ’11 and Andrew Morrison ’11, Humor Editors, with contributions from Steven Uberoi ’12. Global Speaker Series (n): A place where people (especially middle schoolers) can ask questions that have already been answered. Example: Middle School English Teacher: The alphabet goes as follows: A, B, C, D. . . Middle Schooler: What comes…

By Jack Breene ’11, Staff Writer  and Jack Lawler ’11, Humor Editor After returning from a break filled with non-denominational holiday cheer, the students of Newark Academy were shocked to hear Upper School Principal, Dr. D, announce a new rule change: all unattended backpacks would be confiscated and locked in a cold, dark closet. When pressed…

By Andrew Morrison ’11, Humor Editor When being interviewed for college, you must always write a thank-you note to your interviewer for taking time out of his or her busy evening to interview you for a school to which you will most likely not be accepted. Here’s one of the best examples of a thank-you…