Category: Humor
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Americans ARE(N’T) Funny
By Tucker Iverson ’12, Staff Writer Editor’s note: This article was originally written in Swedish, and translated by Robert “Tucker” Iverson IV, Esq. With the end of days inevitable, one thing is on everyone’s mind. When will the prejudice stop? Will it gradually die down like a sunset? Or will the stop be abrupt like…
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Top Ten Ways to React to a Present You Don’t Like
By Jack Breene ’11 and David Webster ’11, Staff Writers and Jack Lawler ’11, Humor Editor 10. Commit seppuku. 9. Vomit on hair of loved ones. 8. Have a youtube worth freak out moment. 7. Drown your sorrows in eggnog, latkes or Kwanza comfort food, depending on your religious preference. 6. Threaten to join Middle…
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A Dramatic Reading of T.S. Eliot’s “The Wasteland”
Jack Lawler ’11, Humor Editor A Dramatic Reading (Click the link – the lights will dim, allowing yourself to be surrounded by “The Wasteland”)
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Newark Academy Definitions
10. The IB Program (n): 1.) Something that makes you do a ridiculous amount of work for no discernible reason. Example: Guy 1: That dude just made me carry a stack of bananas up 1,000 stairs and feed them to Karl Friedrich Gauss, the prince of mathematics. Guy 2: What an IB Program. 9. One of…
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Revolutionary War Facebook Throwdown
By Jack Lawler ’11, Humor Editor American Colonists: So done with paying these taxes on tea…into the Harbor with you! December 16th, 1773 at 7 a.m. via Facebook for iPhone Great Britain: You’ll sincerely regret this one colonists! December 16th, 1773 at 7:01 a.m. Colonists: Please, bring it on. You got nothing. December 16th, 1773…
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Super Ad Lumen: A Thankless Task
Junior Chantelle Westlock (who you may know by her secret identity of Snow Black) will be bringing us weekly installments of a brand new comic: SUPER AD LUMEN! In which your friendly neighborhood superhero helps NA students survive till June! This week… A Thankless Task
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NewarkAcademyDictionary.com
By Jack Lawler ’11 and Andrew Morrison ’11, Humor Editors From the makers of Webster’s Dictionary comes the all-new source for Newark Academy specific words: Honor Code Violation (n): 1.) Something you will deeply regret in hindsight. Example: Sally: How your date with John last night? Caroline: To put it simply, he was an Honor…
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Where Are They Now: Harry Potter Edition
By Jack Breene ’11, Staff Writer The last time we saw Harry Potter, also known as the “Boy who Lived” and the “Chosen One,” he was on the top of the world. He had just defeated his wizard nemesis, Lord Voldemort, and friends and family were anxiously anticipating his proposal to stone-cold fox girlfriend, Ginny…
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Top Ten Reactions to Robot Unicorn
By Adam Hyatt ’11, Jason Diamond ’11, and Jake Gillman ’11, Staff Writers 10. I found a way to procrastinate procrastinating. 9. As soon as I heard the song, I immediately downloaded it on iTunes. 8. Was this unicorn severely injured and made into a robot, or was he born that way? 7. Anatomically, how…
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Senior Bio
By Jack Breene ’11, Staff Writer and Jack Lawler ’11, Humor Editor Mom and Dad, thank you for supporting me in so many ways, especially financially. Sophie, that time you made me holdup that Chuckie Cheese’s in a loin-cloth. It was definitely the best Labor Day ever. Drake and Josh, you have been so meaningful to…